Tony Abbott bans investment in wind farms

Just after I made this video the story broke that Abbott also wants to ban the CEFC from investing in home solar as well so it’s worse than I thought. This decision is ideology over common sense and it is completely indefensible. It will hurt investment, it will hurt jobs and it makes Australia a laughing stock.

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Barnaby Joyce & Tony Abbott have a “spirited conversation” about #QandA ban

Rumour has it that Barnaby Joyce is extremely angry at Tony Abbott pronouncing a ban on ministers appearing on ABC’s Q&A program AFTER Joyce publicly announce he would appear on the show.

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for their conversation because Joyce is someone who knows how to get angry.

Tony Abbott, Gillian Triggs, Human Rights, bribes and threats

For a connoisseur of schadenfreude such as myself, watching Tony Abbott self-immolate is pure delight. He tries to play his tough guy act and ends up surprised when it blows up in his face. Most recently his target has been Gillian Triggs, President of the Human Rights Commission. she has come under sustained attack from Abbott and his lackeys for daring to publish a truthful report which heavily criticised both the past Labor and current Coalition government’s handling of asylum seeker children in detention.

Watching his nasty attacks having the opposite attack to what he intended is only half the fun. Now it looks like the Federal Police may be getting involved over allegations of bribery.

And then Malcolm Turnbull, the person who will sooner or later knock Abbott over as leader, fired a broadside that I’ll wager Abbott didn’t see coming, saying “debate about Gillian Triggs misses the main point … the main point is the children. Children in detention is something nobody wants”. I’d bet money Abbott is losing his mind behind closed doors because this is Turnbull straight up saying “Abbott is full of shit and I’m pretty much ready to replace him.”

It’s official, Tony Abbott is the most fucked up leader of any industrial democracy

Gotta love it when an international observer describes ol’ Tone’s performance as “Abbott has proven so incapable of clear policy thinking, so unwilling to consult with even his own ministers and advisers, and so poor at communicating that he has to go.” Ouch. The Council on Foreign Relations was not mincing their words.

Of course, it doesn’t matter what foreigners think. Or even what an overwhelming majority of the Australian population think. It only matter what his own caucus thinks. And it’s pretty clear a majority of his caucus think he’s shit and his days are numbered.

After barely surviving the spill motion AGAINST NOBODY his backbenchers made it clear he was only going to survive until his next fuckup. No more captain’s calls! Surely Abbott is not so detached from reality that this is beyond his capability? Surely he can last for a while without making any unilateral decisions that alienate his backbenchers?

Nope. Didn’t even make it to the end of the week.

Dead Man Walking – Tony Abbott survives for now

Tony Abbott rushed a party room vote today (presumably he thought the longer his opponents had to organise, the more votes their would be against him) and got a result that was close to the best the Labor opposition could have hoped for. He defeated the motion 61-39 and he’s playing that up as a victory. All the facile comments about “that’s an end to it” and “looking to the future” are completely ignoring reality.

Tony Abbott is a dead man walking.

For a bit of historical context, in June 1991, Paul Keating challenged sitting PM Bob Hawke and Hawke won the vote 66-44 but it was only delaying the inevitable. In December 1991 Keating struck again and this time he won the vote 56-51. Keating then went on to win the next Federal election (somewhat surprisingly).

More recently, the first time Kevin Rudd challenged sitting PM Julia Gillard in February 2012 (after himself being knocked off by Gillard) he lost the challenge 71-31. Despite Gillard winning the vote by a wider margin than Abbott did today, nobody thought it was over. Rudd came back in June 2013 and defeated Gillard 57-45. Rudd then led Labor to a rather resounding defeat at the next election.

Those number alone tell you Abbott’s on borrowed time. The really damning fact is that all of the challenges detailed above involved an aggressive challenger taking on the sitting leader. Abbott was facing a challenge from NOBODY. It was pure a vote to say “this bloke totally sucks balls – we need to get rid of him, don’t we?”

Tony Abbott sitting with all of his friends

The Liberals seem to be marching in lockstep now, publicly saying Abbott now needs time to show he can turn things around. But it’s all bullshit. Everyone knows Abbott is mortally wounded. His own words damn him.

It’s ON! Tony Abbott to be sunk by #LibSpill

Tony Abbott is circling the drain and it keeps getting funnier. He is so screwed and I couldn’t be happier. Even if he survives the spill he seems too arrogant to realise he’s mortally wounded and is dragging his party down with him.

A RABBI who knew an accused child abuser might flee the country says he did not know at the time that it was illegal for an adult to touch a child’s genitals. If his god was real he would be struck dead.

Missouri boy’s family stages his own 4-hour kidnapping for being ‘too nice’ to strangers

Queensland election disaster means Abbott is finsihed!

Ding dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch? Well, several actually. Campbell Newman has done the seemingly impossible – go from winning an historic majority in a state election to losing power in a single term. Then there is Tony Abbott. His cavalcade of fuckwittery is seen to have been a major contributor to one term conservative governments in Victoria and Queensland and there are very few people who think it won’t happen to the Federal LNP as well.

It appears enough of his own party has had enough of his shit that they are going to knife him. Or maybe they’ll put a loaded gun on the table in front of him and say “You know what you should do?” When MPs are being so direct as to say “All we are talking about now is the timing and method of execution,” off the record, that’s pretty bad. But when an MP is willing to say on camera what Jane Prentice says in this video – well, that’s simply unprecedented.

AIDzee and I can barely restrain our glee.

Tony Abbott’s days are numbered

I have to admit that I am having the most extreme case of schadenfreude imaginable as Tony Abbott implodes. I’m too drunk to go into much depth with this but to see someone who represents everything I despise go down in a screaming heap with nobody to blame but himself – well, it’s just delicious.

He has nobody undermining him. Gillard had to deal with Rudd being a total piece of shit from day one. Bot Abbott has nobody screwing him over – everything he’s done has been unforced errors.

I fucking love it!

I refuse to believe satire is dead

I remember after the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre on September 11th, the second stupidest response was a whole range of conservative pundits saying irony/satire was dead. The stupidest response was obviously to invade a country that had nothing to do with the attacks, waste trillions of dollars and kill about a million people. But they thought satire had been killed. We all had to be sincere now. These idiot showed a complete lack of understanding of the purpose of satire (often used to make an unbearable situation bearable). And human nature (at the darkest times, people want to laugh the most).

Plus, they were fuckwits.

These days, I occasionally think satire might have been killed by my primary targets being so fucking stupid they become almost impossible to satirise. The current Australian government has given me new material every single week of their existence and made it absurd easy to satirise their stupidity and evil. But Tony Abbott has pushed things so far that some, including First Dog On The Moon (who can be seen regularly in The Guardian), have speculated he’s now impossible to satirise.

I’m still going to give it a red hot go. And in case you haven’t noticed, so is First Dog.

And in case you thought Tony Abbott was the only one trying to push the boundaries of stupidity to the point where it feels impossible to satirise them, ladies and gentlemen, I present for you Bill O’Reilly of Fox News:

No further comment required

If self awareness was a flame, Bill O’Reilly could stand in a lake of petrol in complete safety. Assuming I could resist the urge to hold him under until he drowned.

Tony Abbott threatens to shirtfront Vladimir Putin

Sometimes I wonder if Tony Abbott will ever stop giving me material. Usually several times a week, word vomit escapes his face hole and it’s so stupid, self serving and/or downright evil the collective face palm in Australia can be heard around the world.

This week, as his mental and emotional growth clearly never progressed beyond early high school, Abbott decided to use some school yard bluster because apparently actual international diplomacy is too hard for him. As is basic English as well, it seems.

Oh, and what does “shirt front” actually mean? Here’s one interpretation.