Tag Archives: troll

The mathematics of trolls

There are many reasons I prefer to block/delete moron commenters rather than “engage” with them. I put engage in quotation marks because although it’s what these trolls often say they want, what they actually want is to bludgeon anyone with an opposing point of view into silence. And before any low-rent moron jumps in thinking they’re being clever by saying that’s what I’m doing – no it isn’t. I’m perfectly happy with these losers having free speech. Somewhere else. Where they aren’t wasting my time.
Also, if that’s what you leapt to, go fuck yourself. You think saying things like that is clever or insightful? I’ve seen your shtick before and you’re boring. And a waste of time.
And that’s the key point about these vermin. It isn’t so much that they’re trolls or bullies, they’re boring and an utter waste of time. Worse still, I’ve learned that the ones with the least to offer make the most noise and demand more of the time and attention of people who are actually doing something. If we lived in a world where even the bitterest hater would simply spit out their insulting comment then go away, I’d probably let them do it. But unfortunately, we live in a world where Bertrand Russell famously observed that idiots are full of certainty and wiser people are full of doubt.
I’ve decided the simplest way to show how worthless these losers are is with a mathematical equation, namely:
v = 1/n
Where v is the value these losers offer to a given conversation and n is the amount of useless noise they make demanding you pay attention to them. For the slow learners (i.e. the people I’m talking about) this means the volume of your incessant blathering is inversely proportional to the amount of attention you’re actually worth. The more you bleat, the less I give a shit about you.
And a final note to the trolls stupid enough to say “if you don’t care, why are you going on about it?” This isn’t for you. You’re not worth addressing. This is for people who genuinely want an understanding of my motivations. By the way, do you trolls see how I know what you’re going to say before you say it? That’s because you’re boring and predictable. And I’m better than you. You notice how you’re reading my blog but I’m not reading yours? That’s because you have nothing to offer.
ATTENTION
Brief “your mileage may vary” disclaimer: I’m not dictating how anyone else should react to comments from haters and trolls. This is what works for me. If a different approach works for you, then you go with that.
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Twitter troll doesn’t want you to tell his mum

I’ve always said internet trolls were typical bullies – utterly gutless when it comes to having to take responsibility for their words or actions. And stupid. More often than not, people who think it’s a good idea to troll or bully others online are really, really stupid.

Rarely have I seen these elements come together so perfectly as they did with one Oliver Rawlings this week. While Professor Mary Beard was talking on BBC Radio 2 about being upset at the level of trolling directed at her after appearing on another BBC show “Question Time”, Rawlings saw fit to tweet “Retweet this you filthy old slut. I bet your vagina is disgusting.”

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So he’s a vile little twerp who think being an idiot is funny. It seems elitist education doesn’t guarantee any sort of class as Rawlings is a 20 year old university student who went to a ridiculously expensive school. When he was called out by the radio host he refused to back down. Because he’s a proper hard man, he is.

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You see? He won’t be silenced! Twitter is his voice! And he’s not afraid to say it to your face either. Because look at his face! Apparently this will have some affect on you. If you think about it. Honestly, I’m not sure what his point is here.

Is there anything that could make such a fearless Twitter warrior back down? Well, turns out there is.

Threaten to tell his mum.

I’m serious. This absolute moron is posting this ridiculously needless and vile trash with his real name and real photo. Apparently completely unaware of the fact there could be any downside to this. Then this happened:

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And approximately nanoseconds late came the loser’s grovelling apology.

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I didn’t think is was possible for someone who would make that first tweet to come across as even more worthless and pathetic but turning into a blubbering mess because someone is going to tell your mummy you’ve been a bad boy?

Wow. Just… wow.

He also posted a longer justification for his miserable behaviour on Facebook.

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That rubbish is so self-serving and insincere I reckon your average politician would be green with envy. Saying he “apologised immediately” is a direct lie. Oh, unless he actually meant to type “as soon as I thought someone would tell my mum”. Fucking loser.

And he actually used the “out of context” line! This is the equivalent of “I’m not racist, but…” The cowardice needed to make the original tweet because you’re stupid enough to think you won’t have to face any consequences then make sad non-apologies when you do get blowback is extraordinary.

This guy’s a real catch. Privileged, obnoxious, bullying and cowardly. I’m sure there are some people saying he should be pursued and punished but I don’t agree. Having to live with the humiliation of the world knowing you’re such a sad little tosser is punishment enough.

And as it’s clear he only offered his empty apology when someone threatened to tell his mum, it must have been disappointing when he made the front page of the paper:

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So the next time you have to put up with someone attempting to troll or bully you online, comfort yourself with the knowledge that they are nothing more than a sad, cowardly loser.

And they’re scared of their mum.

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