When insults had class

It’s stating the obvious to say that the worst thing about the internet is the horde of morons that populate it (present company excluded, of course). I will admit to antagonising these sad excuses for human beings for my own amusement in the past. What can I say? As a kid I used to stir up ant’s nests.

But no more. I’m done with these losers. I refuse to even acknowledge their pathetic attempts at insults until they make a decent effort. They may never reach the standard of the classics listed below but I’m not going to indulge people who don’t even try.

There really was a time when insults had class.

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time in reading it.”
Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” –
Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend… if you have one.”
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”
Winston Churchill, in response

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
Jack E. Leonard

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”
James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever…”
Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts… for support rather than illumination. ” –
Andrew Lang

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
Billy Wilder

UPDATE

Wow, Reddit is doing funny things to my blog again. I’m glad so many people are enjoying this post but it means it’s impractical to respond to all the comments (which is what I’d usually do). Although I will be reading all comments. Speaking of comments, are the people leaving incredibly lame insults in response to this post indulging is some through-the-looking-glass meta-irony? Or are they really, really stupid?

My favourite is the people saying this list exists somewhere else, as if that’s some huge revelation. Really? Some of the most notable people in history have been quoted before? Wow, that’s a shocker! I’ll be the first to admit that this blog post is almost no work on my part. The work is actually in the video.

As I say in the video, I saw the the collection posted to a mailing list from my old college. It happened to fit in exactly with how I was feeling about YouTube in particular. I thought I’d make a video version that would be appreciated by people I knew were constantly suffering stupid harrassment on YT.

The blog post was, in all seriousness, an afterthought. I was posting the video before I went to bed and when I checked the time I realised it was Friday morning in the US. I thought to myself “who wants to work on a Friday? – I’ll give everyone a little time waster.” It seems it was appreciated by most, which is nice. To the tools who want to whine and bitch to try and distract themselves from their own inadequacies… ah screw it, just imagine I said something as clever as one of the above to you.

SECOND UPDATE

I was asked about the music accompanying the video. This is my angryaussie theme music, done for me by another YouTuber, nsgmusic. He has his own site at www.nsg-music.com and if you really like the angryaussie theme you can actually download it for free here.

About these ads

158 Comments

Filed under Comedy, Video Blogging

158 responses to “When insults had class

  1. Pingback: The Clever Shark » Blog Archive » “A modest little person, with much to be modest about…”

  2. You *ROCK* Mr. Angry!! :-) Somewhat new to your blog, so this is the first time that I’ve seen one of your You Tubes. Love the classy & clever insults, by the way.

    *smooches*

  3. Chris

    Sure, show Churchill’s response to Shaw, but what about Hemingway’s response to Faulkner?

    “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” -Hemingway in response

  4. mnlg

    I hope I can give a modest contribution. Unfortunately I cannot remember who said this but it’s been on my top ten of classy insults for years:

    “When your IQ goes to 10, start selling”.

  5. josh

    I’m gonna put some of these insults to memory for later use. Haha

  6. Brilliant. Love this, completely love it

  7. Yeah. I wish the time of intellect was still apon us. But alas idiocy was thrust apon us.

    • Akshatha

      Kindly learn the spelling of “upon”(not “apon”) before you venture to talk about intellect.

  8. brian

    it’s weird that all those guys came up with their own insults rather than just quoting old, famous and dead people.

  9. Thou yeasty dread-bolted foot-licker!

  10. rooktopia

    Unfortunately, if I ever tried using these fine insults, I’d probably be met with a firm, “Whatever. NERD.” Followed by the rejoinder of “Ohhhhh! ICE BURN!”

  11. Frances

    I have to say I rather like the people who use monosyllabic expression to vent their anger and frustration. They are so deliciously easy to antagonize :).
    Of course, there is not much return in prodding a person when you notice they have a hard time digesting the meaning of a full sentence. The sms-generation really isn’t doing itself a big service.

  12. “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –
    Clarence Darrow

    Not sure how this is an insult… ?

  13. Good post, almost as good as Reluctant Nomad’s from 11 months ago.

  14. huh, i always wondered where delusions of adequacy came from. very clever.

  15. Hmmm…okay. But how about when insults had originality?

  16. “If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin’ rights on that man’s head.”

    Molly Ivins

  17. Wayne

    In response to Jake:
    > Not sure how this is an insult… ?

    By saying, “…but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure”. Obituaries are written for dead people… he is saying he is glad they are dead.

    So basically… “I have not killed anyone but I have taken great pleasure when reading about specific people who have died.”

  18. Not sure if this is an insult or a compliment:

    “Thou warped full-gorged haggard!”

  19. Dadelus

    What about Christopher Hitchens recent eulogy of Jerry Falwell?

    “If that man had an enema, he could’ve been buried in a matchbox.”

  20. Pingback: When Insults Had Class « Clip Clip Hooray

  21. roded

    Churchill was brilliant..
    Here’s another one of his.
    (Reposted from: http://www.bizbag.com/Churchill/poison.htm)

    Nancy Astor was a native Virginian who became Britain’s first woman member of the House of Commons. In the 1930’s she headed a clique in the House of Commons that found something to admire in Hitler’s Germany. Churchill described an Astorite as an appeaser “who feeds the crocodile hoping that it will eat him last.” One time shortly thereafter, Churchill found himself at Cliveden, the Astor mansion.

    After dinner Lady Astor presided over the pouring of coffee. When Churchill came by, she glared and said. “Winston, if I were your wife, I’d put poison in your coffee.” “Nancy,” Churchill replied to the acid-tongued woman, “if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”

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  23. “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts… for support rather than illumination. ”

    It think it works better using “urination rather than illumination”

  24. bert

    morons have abounded through the ages, what stand out about their existence is the nameless and countless atrocities. your quotes up there are from the educated, the prolific, the personal ‘stake’ holders of their time, thus they have to articulate their meanings carefully and, with class, as you say. you are angry, but quite possibly for the wrong reasons. a symptom of anger is lack of aim.

  25. Kiki

    Very nice. And then there was the famous encounter between Claire Booth Luce and Dorothy Parker. Both approached a doorway, and Luce stepped back to defer to Parker, saying “Age before beauty.” Parker without hesitation sailed through the doorway saying “Pearls before swine.”

  26. And the response to Shaw? “I’ll come on the second night — if there is one.”

  27. Pingback: When Insults Had Class : Zigzo Zlinks

  28. Nice list Mr A.

    One of my favourite Churchill insults:

    Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.

    Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

  29. Luke

    Your blog was the was the biggest waste of my boss’s dollar and time that I’ve spent today.

  30. William

    Wayne, I am sure Jake understood the punchline of the obituary quip, but it is still not an insult. Who’s being insulted? Anonymous dead people?

    The Clarence Darrow quote is actually a misquote from a longer passage from his autobiography. Check out the 12 paragraph of chapter 10 from ‘The Story of my Life’ (http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks05/0500951.txt) for the quote in context. It is clearly not an insult.

    That being said, I did enjoy the list of insults that are collected here.

  31. Jeff

    KirkH writes..
    I think it works better using “urination rather than illumination”.

    Well then, sir, you are wrong. Read it again as it is, and think about it; it’s perfect just as it is.

    Who urinates on statistics? That makes no sense.

    The quote is criticizing those who come up with an argument first and then track down statistics which agree with that position, as opposed to those who might learn a particular statistic unexpectedly and then try to learn why it may be true. And, it’s brilliant.

  32. h

    Hemingway said that Wyndham Lewis had “the eyes of an unsuccessful rapist”!

  33. akari-chan and kaimei-chan

    It’s a shame that ignorance inspires anger, Luke, for if you had understood any of the poster’s motives, you would have known he was speaking of you.

  34. Surely if Mark Twain were around now he’d be all “OMFG U SUX LOL!!!!1111″. It’s how we’ve ‘progressed’ as a people.

  35. Jeff

    The obit quote reminds me of another one. Unfortunately, I cannot remember it entirely, but the basic idea is that if you were drowning, I would not throw you a rope. I’ve always been a fan of that. I’m pretty sure I first learned it in a song.

    Speaking of insults from song lyrics, how about this one from Roger Waters…

    “You’re nearly a laugh, but you’re a really a cry.”

    • Quietus

      I’ve heard a couple versions of this. My own father once said about a man “The only time I’d ever help him is to help him drown.”
      Another was from Phil Collins in “In the Air Tonight”
      “If you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand”

  36. Pingback: Classy Comebacks : justin bachorik

  37. Jeff

    a-c and k-c,

    I could be wrong, but I think.. no, I hope.. that Luke understood the point of the article entirely, and was merely playing along by submitting an addition of his own.

  38. Say what you will, I think “yo mamma” insults have a quiet dignity about them.

  39. “That’s what she said” jokes will never stop being funny. Or classy.

  40. Intelligent people is able to make intelligent insults.
    Morons are just that, only morons. :P

  41. lifebylisa

    These are priceless. Love them all. Unfortunately today no one really thinks, they just aimlessly throw their pathetic daggers. Ahhh, those were the days. Great post, thanks for sharing, adding these to my collection.

  42. I love these, I will be back for more. As in many other things people nowadays don’t bother to be classy. They would probably respond something using the f word now. Hopefully the pendulum will swing back to days gone by in certain areas.

  43. I have seen this before AND LOVE IT! It’s always a good read! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  44. How screwed up is it that one of the most popular WordPress posts today is a cut and paste job from wikipedia? Dude, “your mama’s so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean… ” wow, I just put in exactly the same effort as you did and I get to not be Australian. I win.

  45. Excellent quotes. I have read most of them before, but never grow tired of them.

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  47. Priceless quotes and excellent list! I can’t stop giggling.
    Take care.

  48. Doesn’t anyone see the irony in giving mindless praise [insert emoticon here] to a post about the uselessness of mindless insults? Wow, there’s a good one. Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi oi oi!

  49. Hilarious! Thanks so much!

  50. Niels

    Excellent! Cool reading

  51. Mike

    yorksdevil,

    I’ll just str8 up and say it:

    “You Jacked This!!!”

  52. Mike

    Angry Aussie, how could you?

  53. Positively brilliant. Thank you for this post. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Unfortunately, another tragedy goes hand in hand with the disappearance of enlightened insults. If one serves up a well crafted taunt or snub the recipient often doesn’t know what to do with it. *sigh…*

  54. My favorite is “If you were any sharper, you’d cut yourself.” – From Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers!

  55. Pingback: All Things Web 2.0 Literary and Philisophical Insults - The Thinking Person’s Humor «

  56. xulutime

    I love these.
    I heard comedian Rich Little say once that Al Gore could lighten up a room by leaving it, and GW Bush was so dumb he would fall in a bucket of boobs and come out sucking his thumb. :))

  57. okay, your blog is about morons on the internet? so by refusing to acknowledge them you write a blog about it? you really have nothing better to do with your time? sounds like you are the moron bro? get a life or something, go out in the real world, maybe date a woman.

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  60. Good stuff, My. Angry. Thank you for enlightening the morons of the world. Now, if only they’d listen. Even if it’s just one or two, the percentage of classiness would increase. And, it’d give you one less then for which to be angry. :D

  61. “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” -Dorothy Parker

    “Thou hast no more brains in thy head than I have in my elbow.” -Shakespearean curse

  62. Pingback: links for 2007-08-04 « Simply… A User

  63. One of my favourite angry offerings so far. I have to say I agree, it was very much to the point. Sadly “ur mom noob” seems to be the height of modern wit. Quite frankly I find most insults I receive as sophisticated as yogurt tops.

    Oh and I know you’re very busy, but I’d really like to know what the soundtrack was -twas banging!

  64. My TOK teacher read us a few of these before. You know they’re brilliant if they crack you up the second time around.

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  66. Ant

    I enjoyed Hemingway’s reply to Faulkner as well: “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”

  67. I think the following occurred between adversaries on the floor of the British Parliament:

    “You, sir, will die either on the gallows or of the pox!” (veneral disease)

    “That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.”

  68. Cosby

    I don’t want to raise Angry Aussie’s hackles here, but as a Kiwi I have to add Rob Muldoon’s magnificent quip that “New Zealanders who emigrate to Australia raise the average IQ of both countries”.

    Ah, for the days when politicians had senses of humour.

  69. Pingback: noahcarter.com » Blog Archive » links for 2007-08-04

  70. whitepeppa

    Good stuff; when I went to Lightning Ridge, I bought a tee-shirt cheaply because they were overstocked. No-one understood the text. It said,
    “I’d like to have a battle of wits with you, but you appear to be unarmed.”
    I have gotten myself into some trouble in the past when people have commented on it and I’ve said, “Oh, you understand that, do you?”

  71. aholl

    Hi, was just skimming through and was delighted by your inclusion of Winston Churchill. However, I believe you missed this one:
    If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.
    – – – Lady Astor (to Winston Churchill)
    If you were my wife, I’d drink it.
    – – – Winston Churchill (in reply)

  72. coaks

    “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!” – Dumb and Dumber

    http://www.coaks.wordpress.com

  73. Ed Tajchman: Your comment kind of proves the point of this blog post. Sorry =(

  74. smak

    smilingchaos
    August 4th, 2007 at 2:21 am

    Yeah. I wish the time of intellect was still apon us. But alas idiocy was thrust apon us.

    ========
    And you certainly proved this point…

    …”apon”…

  75. Man, that was truly the time when insulting a person was so classy, you the subject wouldn’t know whether you were being praised or ridiculed.

  76. disappointed

    I lost a lot of respect for you, when you republished someone else’s compilation as your own…

  77. minsky

    um… insults had class because you chose classical insults made by people of class.

    It is easy, with equal ease, to select trite plebian ad personams made by plebs at any given time.

    That said, I love your selections!

  78. Kari Pätilä

    I’ve always found the “don’t call us – we won’t call you either” -line from South Park to be quite eloquent.

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  80. Pipperami

    “The eyes of Caligula, and the mouth of Marilyn Monroe” – Former President Mitterand of France on Margaret Thatcher.

    Nice to read them all again, isn’t it?

  81. lynx2004ad

    “insults had class if done differently”

    turn your self into a very fat guy… you’ll get a lot of insults. It might be hidden behind your back or shown directly to your face :)

    James
    http://healthguide.freehostia.com

  82. Filby

    ‘Say what you will, I think “yo mamma” insults have a quiet dignity about them.’

    Yes. The quieter they get the more dignity they have.

  83. “Do come again when you can’t stay so long…”

    (from Gold-diggers of ’32)

  84. Great job there, some of the best insults don’t use swear words, they are just plain witty.

  85. yustynn

    Class is almost dead in insults, because frankly most of the time classy insults just don’t get to a person as much as you want it to

  86. yustynn

    Wit is the new class :D

  87. it’s just the quote referring to Van Gogh that irked me, check out my blog about the philosophy of modern art and tell me what you think!

  88. amalee

    I like it and it’s true :D

  89. A Woman

    I hope this doen`t insult you. But dont you think it`s har to be angry 365 days a year? hehehe

    We should feel more love, all of us, dont you think

    Kama Sutra the art of sex isn`t the solution, but it could make us little more sesitive to each other anyway…

    Great greeating from me, sofia

    http://sofiawinterborn.wordpress.com/2007/08/04/sofiathe-art-of-sex-and-lovekama-sutra/

  90. Have you seen this site:
    http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/? I find the titles of the posts spectacularly nasty…and funny.

  91. maliha11

    an insult would only be a classic if it didn’t contain any foul words, a good insult would need a quick witty person, who would insult with a smile and with a lot of diplomacy.
    i loved the post good job .. keep it up

  92. A Woman

    Thank you Mr Angry

    yes it is really hard work to write in a foreign language when I dont control it and can gorvern it the way I want. but I working on it. You should se may english blogs 8 months ago, hahaha. But there are many nice people who help me out occasionally.

    No I know your not angry the whole year, hahaha, I do visit you so I know. I can see and feel a lot of humor mix with your serious thoughts about different kind of issues. So i know.

    Yes, hahaha I do as you are doing but about other things. I pour it out on the blog.

    My I have a wild guess? Is Salvador Dali one of your favorits? I sertainly do like him.

    Greetings sofia

  93. I think alot of it nowadays is that taking time to think of an insult with real meaning makes you appear a little dull. And even when you say it, the reciever seems content to use “Fuck You” in return.

  94. Pingback: Classy Insults « Michael P.F. van der Galiën

  95. congrats on being hot post on wordpress…

    this list is so ancient – joffa’s olds showed it to us the other week, someone emailed it to them, fergoodnesssakes.

    hard to pick a favourite, but i love keating’s recent “he’s all tip and no iceberg”, or churchill’s “madam, i’m drunk and you’re ugly. however, tomorrow, i may be sober” or his” if you were my husband, i’d put poison in your tea. if i were your husband, i’d drink it” routine. class acts!

  96. Pingback: Insults we wish to hear and throw « I do not completely agree…

  97. pretty pissed off… it is hard to stay piss off every day. Though just get a little sister and you are set for years.

  98. definitely preferable to hearing my best friend say “BUUUURN!!!,” after a lame joke.

  99. In my strange family, sarcastic insults are terms of endearment. On my latest adventure to my home town my brother and I bombarded each other with them. :-D

  100. A lady once asked GB Shaw if he liked flowers and if so why he never displayed them in vases in his house. He responded by saying that he did like flowers. He said he also liked children but he didnt chop the heads off children to display in vases around his house. Lifewise for flowers.

  101. Philomelius

    Hmm, plagiarism.

    Internet’s most usual dish.

  102. Bubbles

    To all those complaining OBVIOUSLY the owner of the blog didn’t make up those statements himself. Plagiarism is claiming credit for someone else’s work. Each quote was attributed to the author, wasn’t it? so what’s the problem here, exactly?

    I thought they were intelligent and funny without missing the mark, :)

  103. Mike Conrad

    I’ll probably use those on some of my friends. Thanks!

  104. grazza

    One of our old restaurant managers was being berated by some drunken asshole, who said “Youre half the man I am! ” and went on to call him stupid. The restaurant manager responded by saying “Well I guess that makes you twice as stupid as I am!”

    Class!!!

  105. Nordie

    Jean Harlowe kept annoying the ballerina Margot Fontaine at a function by pronouncing the T at the end of her name. At one point during the evening Margot turned to Jean and said “The T is silent as in harlot!”

  106. One of my own personal favorites is this:

    Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
    –Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

    Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
    –His reply

  107. Pingback: When Insults Had Class? « The Protagonist

  108. acordabrasil

    Congratulations for blog!
    Very good!
    http://www.acordabrasil.wordpress.com

    I hug and I have access mine blog if it will be able…

    debtor.

  109. Wonderful stuff!

    I try to imagine the American president in some sort of intelligent joust of words, but it’s too impossible.

  110. hiswizardeyes

    Awesome post! Hehe, I love Churchill and Twain.

  111. Rose

    Heh. I like classy insults. I wish I could think of them off-the-cuff, but I usually end up with something like, “yo momma’s such a fat bitch that when she’s walking around people go, ‘damn, that’s a fat bitch’.”

    I remember reading a while back Mark Twain talking about Fenimore Cooper’s literary offenses (I’d provide you with the link but my internet connection is apparently masturbating on the job, so I recommend Googling “Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses”). It was snarktastic and awesome.

  112. minji

    That’s quite a good point. People are now too lazy to think about what insult they’re trying to make. It’s usually just some choice rude words with quick gesture with some limb or other.

    Arguments are typically quite fun to listen in on, but only when insults are classy and rebuttal points have style. It’s no fun for us as observers when people devolve to swearing uneducated flubbers!

  113. Love these! And I just want to let you know how much I enjoy your blog. As another angry-all-the-time person, I can relate. It takes guts to admit to some of the things we people are angry about. Hell, I even get angry when other people *aren’t* angry. You know, it’s like, if some minor injustice is occurring on the checkout line, say, and I’m barely able to stop myself from jumping the barrier and throttling the cashier, while everyone else is smiling vapidly…well, I actually don’t have the courage just now to admit what my fantasies are at such a moment.

    Needless to say, you’re in my blogroll.

  114. I had a book with Shakespearian insults. It was fun to read.

  115. °flo

    This is sooo funny!
    ______________________________

    MADVERTISING – tales from a very strange industry

  116. Ah, the classics… The only problem nowadays is when pseudo-intellectuals quote them in argument instead of coming up with their own. They’re only one step above the complete morons.

  117. I agree, they don’t make insults like they used to.

    Nor do they make chocolate like they used to…what’s with all this 5% coco crap? Give me 75%!

    It’s like saying orange juice with 5% orange juice…blah!

  118. sunchaser

    Those insults are great, but there’s something to be said for the brevity and conciseness of the one word insult. For example, the word “asshat” encasulates the intended sentiment with precision that’s difficult to duplicate.

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  121. Thanks for the great classic insults. They burn worse than “your mom” ever could.

  122. Thanks for the angry theme, it’s my tune of the moment! Pure class!

  123. Pingback: Suppose famous authors were alive and blogging…. « markitude

  124. Michael

    To quote Monty Python:

    “I fart in your general direction”

    make sure you say it with a strong french accent :)

  125. Sam

    Very impressive compilation there.

    /me mentally files them away for future use

  126. tomasz

    “Wayne, I am sure Jake understood the punchline of the obituary quip, but it is still not an insult. Who’s being insulted? Anonymous dead people?”

    no, anyone who the insult is applied to. an insult is not defined by the presence of an immediate and identified target. this quite clearly is such an insult.

  127. tomasz

    “For example, the word “asshat” encasulates the intended sentiment with precision that’s difficult to duplicate.”

    no, it just makes you look like an amateur without an ear for the good-sounding.

  128. jgg

    A couple of my favourites below, for which I would love to know the original author:

    “you seem to have given too many people a piece of your mind”

    [on people migrating from New Zealand to Australia] “raises the average IQ of both countries”

    NB – this latter one is mistakenly attributed to now deceased NZ Prime Minister David Lange in some places.

  129. Milligan

    Another Churchill:
    “Americans can always be counted upon to do the right thing – after all other possibilities have been exhausted.”

  130. Cuechief

    Chivalry and honor in wit were abandoned long ago. I smile for weeks after a random discovery of wit and intelligent social commentary.
    The times have evolved to use of the lowest common denominator of toilet humor and profanity. Sheep humor abounds, but it is the occasional internet gem that comes shining through. If we all spoke to each using a range of vocabulary and intelligence, we would have a fantastic audience of at least 20 people worldwide.
    God bless the English wit! Monty Python and Lord Black Adder are THE standard in witty reparte that deserve a special place in history!

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  133. backpack3

    No – one says up yours quiet the the people of days gone bye. Fantastic, I will be keeping an eye out for more postings from you.

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  135. I P Freely

    My favorite Churchillism was at some party or other.
    Londinium Village high society and what not.

    Random Lady (Wife of some MP) I dunno.
    ‘My dear Churchill you appear to be drunk.’

    Churchills response.
    ‘Yes my dear lady. And you are ugly but in the morning I shall be sober.’

    (I’m sure you have heard that, or seen it on T-shirts for the feckless, but its the next bit that always makes me chuckle)

    Lady puts on a perturbed face.
    ‘Well! Mr Churchill if you were my husband I would poison your drink.’

    Quick off the bat Churchill replies with.
    ‘And if you were my wife I would drink it.’

    Haha.

    Of course I cant quote it word for word because it all happened many many moons before I was even that lucky sperm.

    Oh that reminds me. Do you know who said ‘Of all the sperm in all the balls you had to bump into the egg.’

    I dunno again. I’m thinking its from the Simpsons but… *shrug*

    P.s Did you know somebody has been drawing on your face?

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  137. Greg Meylan

    Hello Angry,

    if you want to get into nature documentaries then here’s something to help you out – make sure you know roughly what you are talking about. The kea is not more or less flightless, it can fly for miles and at high altitudes. Your youtube clip makes you seem a bit on the simple side, which I am sure is not true.
    Though, you do also say there are million or so flightless NZ birds. I take it you don’t mean species as I doubt there are a million bird species worldwide. If you mean individuals then that’s a phenomenally useless bit of information altogether. Anyway, there is no shame it getting it all wrong.
    Cheers
    Greg

  138. B

    Hi Mr Angry,

    I understand and feel your anger…
    And I agree with your approach to a more serene form of insulting..

    My experience in this however has resulted in that I discovered that those people whom I (deservedly) insult do not have the brain capacity to support such entry level insults…

    B

    “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” –
    Mae West

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  140. Your a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater.

  141. Vincent

    Really good “Stuff”. Here’s some of my own.

    Your face and form Madam, has inspired me to celibacy. Vincent to Whoopie Goldberg

    A mind is a terrible thing to waste but yours is an exception.

    If inadequacy were a virtue you would be cannonized.

    He is as steady as a rock and the I.Q. as well.

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  144. Penny

    This site is so getting its arse bookmarked. Good to see there’s still an appreciation of slander with style.

  145. Belle1025

    There is actually a book of insults that has many of the insults you posted and more! This is completely brilliant and proved to be a great source of entertainment. Thanks so much for all of these!

  146. Therese

    Brendan Behan on Reverened Mother
    She has all the characteristics of a poker, except its occasional warmth

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