I found this news on Salon.com and felt compelled to throw my 2c in. There’s a “new” over-the-counter drug available in the US that’s apparently flying off the shelves. It’s called alli (note the way trendy lower case!) and I use the term “new” loosely because it’s apparently a lower strength version of a prescription-only drug (Xenical) that’s been around for a while.
So what does this incredibly popular wonder drug do? Well, not to go all Bill Clinton on you, but it depends on what your definition of “do” is. You see, there’s (1)what the drug company markets it as, (2)the medical description of what it does and (3)the biggest effect you’re actually going to notice.
The drug company markets it as a weight loss pill. They say it will give “safe, effective weight loss”. Because it’s FDA approved it must be good. What could possibly go wrong?
A simplified medical description of the drug is that it’s a fat blocker. It stops your body from absorbing some of the fat in your diet. It doesn’t burn calories. But fat that would have otherwise been absorbed by your body… isn’t. Because fat contains calories less calories will go into your body.
But here’s the most important thing the drug does: it makes you shit oil. Worse, it makes you shit your pants. With oil. This is not the ravings of some fringe conspiracy group, this is what the company tells you itself on its website. Buy our drug if you want to lose weight. Oh, by the way, you’ll end up shitting your pants.
Neat, huh? No wonder it’s selling so well. That large sector of the public that enjoy having their pants filled with liquefied shit has been seriously under-catered to up until now.
The drug company indulges in classic marketing bullshit that really pisses me off but they still fail to obscure the horror of what’s going to happen to you if you take their drug. The first bit of marketing bullshit they spin that makes me want to smack them in the fucking head is the old “eat healthier and exercise more to get the full benefits”.
Hello?!?!?! If you eat less fat and exercise you don’t need their fucking pills. I’m sick of these sleazy companies pretending that they’re promoting health. They’re promoting bad habits and laziness. The subtext to the whole thing is “this drug lets you lose weight with NO exercise and NO change to your eating patterns”. People who can eat healthier and exercise more aren’t interested in this shit. But the company doesn’t think it’ll get away with an advertising slogan along the lines of “Fuck diet and exercise! Take these pills and shit your weight away!”
The second thing they do that pisses me off is deliberately using language designed to obscure the full horror of the effects of their drug. They can’t even come clean and call them “side-effects”, instead going with “treatment effects”. Hell, maybe they’re right, these aren’t side effects. Side effects are incidental to the main effects. Shitting your pants is the main effect of this drug. It literally is the treatment effect.
Try as they might, their weasel words can’t hide how horrible their drug actually is. Following are actual quotes from their website followed by Mr Angry’s no bullshit translation.
Website Bullshit (WSBS): You may get:
- gas with oily spotting,
- loose stools
- more frequent stools that may be hard to control
No BS: The following things will happen to you:
- You will spray oil when you fart
- You will have diarrhoea
- You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels to the point where you shit your pants
WSBS: The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
No BS: Oh dear god. Pizza is one of my favourite foods and these evil fucks have done their best to turn me off it for life. It will be very hard to look at a pizza again without wondering if someone on this drug has taken a shit on it.
WSBS: Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. (my emphasis)
No BS: Even if you do cut back on fat, you’re still going to shit oil.
WSBS: …pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect.
No BS: Do not go out in public after taking this drug. You are going to shit yourself. Stay close to a toilet.
WSBS: If you’re getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over.
No BS: Don’t say you weren’t warned. You are seriously going to shit yourself.
WSBS: You may not usually get gassy, but it’s a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens.
No BS: You’re old life is over. Forget what you think you know about your body. You are going to fart uncontrollably. And there will be follow-through. This is not going to be something you want to share.
And my absolute favourite (which is to say, the part of the website that horrifies me most):
“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”
Oh. My. Fucking. God. They are so sure you are going to shit your pants they are saying you should accept the inevitable. There is no way to avoid this. So wear dark pants to hide the liquid shit stains. And bring a change of clothes. Because your first set are going to get impregnated with liquid shit.
To me, this is the ultimate evidence that western society is utterly fucked. You can tell people that taking a pill will make them shit their pants uncontrollably. And your pill will be an utterly out of control success.
There was also a link to a video where you could “watch alli in action”. I assume this is a video showing people shitting their pants. I couldn’t bring myself to look. Try a video you might be able to stomach – I’ve done a video version of this post for your viewing pleasure.
Angry 365 Days a Year 
That’s awesome! Teach people better eating habits through negative reinforcement.
Of course, it’ll make getting out to do the excersise part a little risky. What ever you do, don’t let one rip in the pool or we’ll have to get greenpeace in to clean up the oil slick.
I’d love to know how much worse the full strength version is…
Yeah, I have heard that there is no way you want to eat anything fatty after taking these tabs. Comes straight out the other end 😦
I just found this article because I started taking alli 3 weeks ago. And yes, it causes oily orange poop, but I have not once in 3 weeks shit my pants, or even had an urge that was so bad I thought maybe I would shit my pants. It may be side/treatment effect for some, but not for all. Just like all medications some people get side effects some don’t. You make it sound way worse than it is
And you’re obviously paid to write that shit.
your words bring joy to what seems like tragedy. thanks.
Man, thanks for the laughs X-)
Perfectly brilliant, as usual.
Once upon a time, shortly after beginning work full time in IT as it happens, I asked a physician for help to slow the unbelievable rate at which I was gaining weight due to the sedentary nature of my new job — not that I was eating poorly or too much, mind you — and was cheerfully prescribed the full measure of Xenical.
The warnings fail to do justice to the cacophonic anointing your world will undergo if you use this digestive Trojan horse. If you are brave enough to venture into public, understand that even if you consume nothing but water and parched fiber, your bowels will deliver something completely indescribable without so much as a hint that you no longer have even a shred of control of your digestive output aperture. No pucker is strong enough to withstand the unatural forces that will exit your body against even heroic efforts to the contrary.
On the other hand, if you are somehow able to isolate yourself for the necessary extended period of time from society and have the wardrobe, unhindered access to toilets, and ample laundry facilities for the duration, then this is a sure fire way to lose weight. Simply put, after only two or three days of your new way of life using this drug you will never again put a piece of food near your mouth without carefully considering how many fat based calories it contains. You have my word on that.
Oh, at the time of my experience, the warnings were even more obscure than those available today.
When I next saw my doctor and told him of my three day ordeal and that I had flushed the pills down to toilet with the second morning’s ‘treatment effect’ he laughed. Not a chuckle. Not a twitter. A full head-back, open-mouth, belly laugh.
that crap my doctor when i visited him about that very subject couple of years ago actually recomended that i forget the thought of using xenical and told me to most likely side effects the non BS version. well finnish doctors arent medical corporations bitches unless you go to private clinic.
Bets are on that vodka with beer chasers is cheaper and less oily. This article made me so happy I could plotz! OOPS! Did–gotta go…
Great writing, I nearly shit myself reading it (pun intended). I just wanted to give a quick rebuttal to Rick.
Rick: “the unbelievable rate at which I was gaining weight..not that I was eating poorly or too much, mind you”
Yes you were Rick. You were eating too much.
The metabolism of a typical male burns through 2200 to 2600 calories a day. Eat less calories and you lose weight. Eat more calories and you gain wait. Math 101.
End of story. Fat fuck.
jesus fucking christ that was funny!! it’s the middle of the night, and I’m trying not to burst out laughing, waking the whole house!!!
Thor, Rick was moving to a new job- a much more sedentary job where he would gain weight faster because he would be getting less excercise. don’t be so quick to judge someone.
oh, and not everyone uses 2200 to 2600. I am around 2800, although most people are on the average range (duh?)
There is the makings here of an extremely evil practical joke…
This is possibly the single best blog post I have ever read. Hilarious and frightening at the same time.
Wow, an opportunity for a link to tubgirl.com to be on topic (note – don’t go to tubgirl.com, she’s on alli)
I had heard that the basic operation behind Xenical was “you will shit oil whenever you eat something fatty”. Frankly it strikes me as a great idea – fail to go to gym, nothing bad happens … eat a piece of pizza and splplplplplplplllllll all afternoon.
My only hope is how abhorred historians are going to be “Round about the turn of the century many members of the western world would rather shit themselves than go to the gym. For real”.
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With Xenical, the marketing reps did say that if you eat less fat, you’ll have fewer side effects. Most people don’t want to work to lose weight. Cautionary statements on meds aren’t enough for people to heed them. Eat less fat, you’ll exude orange oily stuff out your ass. Eat normal amounts of fat, your life is over since it will be spent in the bathroom.
Hilarious!! I took Xenical many years ago. Yeah, if you eat too much fat it will definitely give you a screaming case of uncontrollable diarreah, but as a weight loss strategy it’s a failure for most people.
First, there is no easy path to weight loss. If there were, Xenical would be a trillion dollar seller and two-thirds of us wouldn’t be either overweight or obese.
Second, Xenical and it’s lighter weight cousin, Alli are little more than punishment pills which use negative reinforcement to be effective. Users will simply stop taking it when they get tired of it’s effects.
Third, it isn’t fat, but the massive amount of sugar and cheap grain in the diets of most Americans which has lead to the surge in obesity. Thus, blocking fat doesn’t even address the core problem. Appropriately, an image of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic comes to mind.
Hey, Thor – european, are you completely without a shred of humor? Duh. Rick knew why he was gaining weight, you fuckwitted gnome. He was being facetious*.
*Look it up.
I’ve been on Xenical in the past and it’s not as bad as this story makes it seem. You do have oily stools, so much so that it looks like an orange oil slick on top of the water in the toilet. Also, when you fart, it SOMETIMES has a discharge of oil. What I did, and it sounds gross, is take some toilet paper and wad it up and leave it “up in there” in case of a shart. One thing about this story is wrong, though. You WILL NOT shit yourself. You do have control over your bowels. I never lost control, nor did my dad and cousin. It’s a great drug, it doesn’t affect your heart at all, it’s safe and the best thing is, I lost about 60 pounds in 4 months.
Hi Chad, How are you?
My name is Selena and I was wondering if when you lost those 60 pounds taking Alli diet pills if Your diet was mainly fatty foods like pizza, cheese ect.???
cause I had a friend that also lost the weight but only when her diet was based of high fat content..
then she didn’t when her diet was very healthy like greens, lean protein, ect.
I would appreciated your input on this?
Need to loose 75 pounds, I would Not care for the side effect or treatment effects!
Thank you so much.
Xoxo Selena.
Chad I am currently taking xenical.. Im on day two and I literally just shit my pants. Thank god I was at home. Not going to lie Im terrified to go to work tomorrow.
O.M.G.
I liked your translations into the no BS, thank you for the giggle first thing this AM 🙂
Wow…all I can say is that almost shit my breeches reading this. I am currently in a college class and supposed to be doing research and you made it quite hard to keep a straight face!
sounds like Xenical
You’re blowing the oily side effect way out of proportion here. Fat-binding drugs have been available over- and behind-the-counter for years now. Yeah it can cause you some trouble if you honestly aren’t expecting it the first time, but most people figure out quick not to try their luck with flatulence while on these drugs. I have never heard of anal leakage from a consumer of this type of drug unless they had a preexisting condition.
http://alliconnect.wordpress.com/
Check out the unofficial alli blog..
Side effects of Alli could include colon cancer and vitamin deficiency…
And a lot of bowel movments too it seems…
Hilarious post. I can only hope that this is the diet pill that Dustin Diamond took on Celebrity Fit Club. Nothing would make me happier than knowing that his lazy ass was having “gas with oily spotting.”
Coool man…i enjoyed reading this!
Ahhh Mr. Angry – sharing shitty news with the rest of the world, how SO like you! 🙂
I heard Jay Leno going on about this new drug last night and I about died when the “wear dark colors and bring extra pants to work” was revealed. So I ask.. why just ONE pair of pants? huh?? huh? If you are going to shite yourself at work, who says it will only happen once? Seems to me that you might as well carry your whole shit-hiding wardrobe with you, everywhere you go,
Better living through chemical enhancement? I’m not so sure about that one! ha…ha..!
When Xenical first came out, they called it “anal seepage” — not exactly vague haha.
It does use negative reinforcement to help people control their diets, and yeah some people will stop taking it once they wind up with side effects, but honestly it’s a lot better than the other drugs on the market. It doesn’t have stimulants, and you damn sure won’t get addicted to it. 😀 It doesn’t affect your heart or brain and if you’ve got the right dosage it shouldn’t really affect your daily activities.
I haven’t used xenical or alli, but I’m considering giving alli a try. Because there’s much less of the drug, it’s much less likely to cause severe side effects like shitting your pants. But seriously if you had good bowel control before, you should be able to prevent yourself from actually shitting your pants haha.
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Right on brother! Hilarious and very fucking scary!
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Hey Jesse, I know that Rick was moving to a more sedentary job.
The only way that this affects his weight is that he now burns less calories than before, which means that even a retard would know to then eat less food than before.
Ric didn’t “gain weight faster” because of his new sedentary job, he turned into a fatty because he kept stuffing in the same amount of calories that he used to do when he moved around more.
Math 101 🙂
I always hate that! I exercise regularly and eat fairly healthy and balanced meals (aside from the banana waffles I just had for breakfast. My mother, on the other hand, eats terribly- Chic-fil-a for breakfast, eating dinner out every night- on top of rare exercising. She has been raving about how she wants to try this Alli product. If I didn’t love my mother so much, I’d let her try it.
Everyone needs to know about how the certain thing changes hunger cravings. Many of us have a few extra pounds to shed and some of us maybe need to lose 20,30, 50 pounds or more. It can be done! First, do not obsessed about your weight. There is no sense weighing yourself everyday. Accept yourself for all the good qualities you have. Love yourself for who you are, not what body size you are. Know that you will feel a lot better physically when you lose some weight but do not waste your life obsessing about it.
Reduce your portion size. This is so simple and probably the fastest way to drop those pounds FAST. Eat everything you would normally eat, just eat 1/3 less. You will not be any more hungry and you will lose weight fast! This is really effective Great weight loss tips. Being too obsessed can actually hinder you from losing weight.
Mr Angry rules! This is the best recent analysis of the changing nature of life.
I am no fan of weight loss drugs. In fact, there is strong scientific evidence, published by the CDC, that people who use weight loss drugs and dietary supplements are not successful in keeping off weight for the long term.
However, to suggest that the drug companies don’t want people to exercise and diet in conjunction with their medication is just plain wrong. They do. It is not just marketing b.s. Working out and eating less fatty foods makes their drug work better! Which translates to happy customers and good word of mouth.
My suggestion to the author of this blog is to take a deep breath, get a glass of water, and take the lithium that you forgot to take this morning. Trust me, you’ll feel better afterwards. And not so angry.
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That was the fuuniest thing i have read in a long time.
I am still giggling as i type
Chris
Can’t this, er, “oil”, be used in bio-diesel capable cars? Meaning, er, you can refuel it “on-the-go”?
Haven’t enjoyed a blog post like that in a while. Kudos 😀
That was the most dead-on description of the GSP I have read to-date. It may not have been as funny to me if I had not personally gone through the embarrassment of that experience. I affectionately called them GSPs because I couldn’t tell a bunch of anal-retentive management fucks that I was taking greasy shit pills…that would require too much of a detailed explanation, and in that state I didn’t have the stomach for it.
Fruit of The Loom loves this stuff.
That’s some funny shit.
That is absolutely classic….
I need these pills for practical jokes now 🙂
I have heard of this new “diet aid” and remember a check up I had a few years ago with a cardiologist. Oh, the check up went great and I left with a clean bill of health but I remember something he warned me about. Any over the counter “diet aid” he said, was bad for the heart.
People want a quick fix. But people can lose and have, 100 or over lbs. without this nonsense. Think of what this is doing to the system. I will let the scientific explanation be better explained by doctors or whatever, but the bottom line is…there is no quick fix without a consequence. The poop in the pants is the least of it.
It tells me a lot though. It tells me that the plumbing inside is being tampered with and that a sacrifice is being made for what, a few pounds?
The thing the public doesn’t or doesn’t want to get is that just because the FDA approves something and please hear me, just because a medical doctor validates it, that doesn’t mean it is safe for you. People have died from taking prerscription drugs that were “safe” and people have also gotten sick from bad advice.
I would tell anyone to research this. With the Internet, that is an easy task.
Don’t waste your money. You’d be better off buying a jump rope. I”m being serious.
” In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.” AHHHHHHHHH!
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nice 😆
The company that makes Depends needs to jump on this and start putting coupons inside the box! Synergy in action!
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That is amazing. Thanks for shedding light for me. I can’t say I wasn’t tempted to pick up a bottle…they really do make it look like a miracle drug.
Funny stuff…do you think that if I buy a few cases they can offer me a discount on a colostomy bag? Then I could buy a waterproof IPod case, toss it in the bag, an viola…
Arrghhh. Another example of the “instant” mentality that seems to be about to drown the Western world in its own effluent.
You said it right, “MOVE MORE, EAT LESS” and watch the pounds fall away, end of story.
This is cool… I was just this morning wondering why this “miracle product” has suddenly appeared and how it is going to save all of us from the evil of fatness. THANK YOU for your informative rant. Can I take you home with me? :oD
Have any of you tried this? The warnings are for those of you that choose to take a diet pill and still stuff your face with fatty foods. those of us that want to lose the weight will use this as a reinforcement in what not to eat. I have used this product and i have never shit my pants 🙂
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I read this, and no offense, I couldn´t believe it, so I went on the website. And I couldn´t stop laughing when I heard people discussing their Bowel Movements (mind you as they call them, their BM´s) I found this absolutely ridiculous…
EXCERCISE AND NOT EATING AS MUCH…maybe?
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I think I saw someone who was taking this drug. She was walking down Broadway around 8th St and she had clearly shit her pants. And it was, um, oily looking. Oh and to add insult to injury she was wearing a skirt! It was all the way down both legs to her shoes! This may explain what ha happened.
Pills, pills, a nickel a quart,
the more you eat, the more you fart…
greasy oil stains, ewww…
Bet this has a negative side effect while having sex too, yikes, don’t even think about it…
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Thanks for the heads up…
I dunno, I kind of find shitting ones pants very hot. It’s like hey, I’m out there, I got shit in my pants. Big deal.
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hahaha that was hilarious! thanks for the funny post. i saw a brochure for alli last time i was at rite aid. hmm, oily discharge? not so attractive.
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Wasn’t this the whole problem with Olestra, the fat substitute, and the “Wow” chips that Frito Lay came out with? Also, don’t these drugs or fat substitutes make it so that you also don’t absorb fat soluble vitamins from food?
man i laughed so fucking hard reading this.
*note to self: pick up new miracle diet drug today and also a couple pair of dark pants.
Inno
kinda crazy what people will try to loose a pound or two… oil coming out of my ass, ill pass
Your no BS version of their warnings is so funny, man! But I would have to say people with common sense should be able to interpret/ translate the warnings into a no BS version. Only the self-delusional would read something like “You may get:
gas with oily spotting,
loose stools
more frequent stools that may be hard to control” and think that they are not going to shit their pants if they eat remain on their usual diets. I mean, the drug works on the principle that it doesn’t allow your body to absorb fat and all the fat you eat has got to go somewhere!
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Hey, I am glad you are angry! This was an awesome read. I work for a group that studies the real value (and not perceived by the drug companies) of drugs and this is all to common. But it is nice to see people that care enought to make a big deal about these things.
Our groups site is http://ti.ubc.ca (you don’t have to publish it… I am not trying to advertise!)
ae
It should also be noted that a drastic reduction in fats has been directly correlated with depression and other mental illnesses. But, hey, GSK has pills for that, too. Yay!
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I can’t help it…lol, you made me laugh for the entire week, when i get sad all i have to do is to remember this.
I’m even thinking about buying the pill, to make my friends happy, but i think it wouldn’t be funny. It would be depressing, as the actuall “idea” of your post…
as someone who’s tried xenical some time ago, i have to admit you’re 100% correct on the shitting oil part. you might be able to stand it for a while, but after the first couple of weeks it gets crazy. luckily i had no public accidents
I think we found our answer to the oil shortage????
I started reading this at work and started laughing until I cried…. Thanks for this fantastic commentary on the newest diet craze!
Wonderful.
You’re rad. That made me laugh out loud. All you say is true. Want to get some pizza?
Hello? Personal responsibility anyone? Who cares what this drug company advertises it as. We all know advertisements are misleading. At least they flat out say what it does. If you don’t like oily shits, don’t buy the product. Plain and simple.
Good link-bait though.
I went on this Xenical 4 years ago as a prescription drug from my doctor. Everything you say is absolutely true.
Mind you, they say that desperate people will eat laxatives all day, just to help them lose weight.
I found my answer last year on formulahealth.org.
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AHAHAHAHA! Amazing writeup! That was FUNNY!
This is what I needed to finally be 100% okay with carrying an extra 10 lbs. on me. Being a size 2 is so not worth being incontinent.
For those of you feuding with Thor: He is right. There is simply no legitimate counter-argument. Calories in / calories out. You eat more than you burn, you get fat. You eat less than you burn, you lose weight.
This diet-in-a-pill thing typifies the American attitude to health. No personal responsibility. No personal effort. Just gimme the pill ’cause it ain’t my fault I’m a tub of lard.
Guess what? If you’re fat, it IS your fault. Stop eating so much.
You are hilarious.
Laugh out loud, PEE yourself hilarious.
Thanks! I thoroughly enjoyed that!!!
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I think I just shit oil from laughing so hard.
And I’m not even taking Alli.
My mum is on the slightly tubby side, but as she is severely disabled (born with it, not caused by obesity!), she can’t exercise to shed that little bit of weight – so she took these pills for a while. She swore by them…
I’m not sure if it’s been picked up on in other comments here, but something you don’t seem to have researched is the fact that you only shit this horrible oily substance (and it IS as bad as you describe), IF you accidentally eat something that’s high in fat…because you’re shitting the fat out.
Still though, it’s a terrible side effect. Not something that those who CAN exercise should evn consider. Alas, though, they still will.
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**applauds** I couldn’t have said it better myself! I was going to have a post about the new pill but you’ve said it so well, I hope you don’t mind if I link to you. Health and Happiness, Lady Rose
@pinkrawkstar:
Second that!
This was so freaking funny, now I know what that little “something extra” will be when I’m making holiday cookies for the in-laws this year.
i know someone who takes pills like these and gets the same thing. shits his goddam pants all the time. fuck that
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Brilliant analysis of the B.S. jargon on this unhealthy drug. Brilliant how the two big choices they offer those with a chronic lack of self-direction and a chronic poor self-picture is either to have your stomach stapled (possible side effects: your fingernails and hair falling out due to the trauma) or…having to wear a diaper for the rest of your life.
Has it occurred to you that if people buy a pill and shit their pants, they, I dunno…probably won’t buy the pill again?
It seems to me that you just ranted, raved, bitched and moaned about a problem that is completely 100% self-correcting.
This pill takes the process of infantalizing the adult population to a whole new level.
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Thinking about oil…
petrol is mineral oil
colza is vegetable oil
do you smell where i’m heading?
well if human can shit oil, we can probably build engines* based upon human-shit oil!!!
that’s smells like a great opportunity don’t you think?
every fatty could become a millionaire!!!
*for those who don’t know, we already have mineral & vegetable oil engines in cars…
love love love the comment about tubgirl. By the way, my shitment, i mean shipment is on the way!
Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed
He got really fat and couldn’t get out of bed
then one day he was zoning to the tube
and an infomercial had found its perfect boob
Alli it is, liquid orange, brown tea
The first thing you know old Jed is toilet bound
His poor body saying I can’t go another round
Eating lots of chips is where I outta be
But I’m stuck on the toilet in complete misery
Oils spills that is, leaky ass, no tp
Very Very Funny. I haven’t laughed like this in a while…sitting here all by myself lololol
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omg, dude you’re gold, i can’t remember the last time i laughed so hard.i have to read it again!
this makes me weep. D:
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You’re linking to the wrong article on Salon.
Wow, I about shat myself reading your article. Very Funny! Thank you!
sounds like a new oil source to me.
Everything about this is wrong. So very wrong.
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Very funny. I guess the secret of ths pill is, that you actually start less fat, since you look at food in a “how oil much will I shit after I´ve eaten this”-way. And so the pills main effect might be educationally: You end up eating carrots and apples. Especially if you have no change of pants with you.
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Hi AA,
Thanks for this post. I linked up to it on my blog today.
So sad that an attractive size 16 person cannot be led to believe they are wonderful the size they are and not long for size 6 to the point of taking a PILL to block fat absorption. Yes, willful gluttony has its health risks. However, the women on the *alli* site all look healthy and beautiful to me the size the appear to be.
-Melina
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oh my god…too fucking funny! The xenical is just as bad…Kevin Smith (clerks, dogma) wrote a piece on using xenical for weight loss in his book “Silent Bob Speaks” dude, everything they say is true…and worse!
No shit, but I just almost peed myself from laughing. Very funny post, and yes, a sad commentary on the state of our society.
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Oh, this is a great post!
Whenever I see the tiny letters at the bottom of the screen that say, “When used in combination with proper diet and exercise” I usually just roll my eyes, and yell “Crock!” at the TV.
Oh my god, i haven’t laughed so hard in so long. I have tears running down my cheeks. GREAT JOB on that post, it’s so true! I think i might have shit myself just reading it!!!
LOL! Tiny side effect, I picture millions of desperate “dieting” people being chased by tanks with American flags……and declared an enemy, to get there anal oil.
I am a bit sick with a vivid imagination, which Is why I avoid leaving comments, but I just had to this time.
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*stares at slice of pizza in hand then throws it in the garbage* Very persuading and effective.
This is perfect!! 1. Buy an older diesel vehicle, and convert for biofuel. 2. Take Alli. 3. Free fuel for how ever much longer you live! Brilliant!
Freeking hilarious… i can’t belive how desperate our fat country is to lose weight the “easy way”. Great article!
I have a sports blog through wordpress and I’m so glad I happened upon this blog by chance. This was the funniest shit I have read in a long time.
I can’t believe there are products like this on the market.
I laughed out loud the entire time. Haven’t done that in a while.
Thank you so much for this. Mad props.
Wey aye man, a likely story! lol
This drug reminds me of Olestra the additive they put in chips as olean in the late 90’s. There was no farting after eating those chips… I found out the hard way the real definition of a leaker. 🙂 great post.
Of course Rick knew why he was gaining weight. Most people if they are honest with themselves know why and they usually don’t change what they eat when they change jobs. So unless they add an after work activity to burn the calories that they aren’t using at the new job that they did at the old one, they will pack on the weight. It is also true that many IT people have horrible eating & sleeping habits which makes it even worse: job induced sleep deprivation often leads to consuming snacks & caffeinated soft drinks at all hours of the night and screwed up metabolisms. The same is often true for truckers.
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Pffft, we have had xenical over the couter for years in australia. I’m a pharmacist and this stuff actually works. The side effects are bad but only if you eat fatty meals, so it acts a reinforcement to stay away from the fatty meals whilst your on the xenical. Trials have also shown that Xenical also works better when compared to placebo. i will say this though xenical just helps it doesnt solve the problem
Ohmygosh! Funniest post ever, I love your version of it all! I saw this pill advertised on TV last night about 4am. Forgot about it till I saw your entry show up on the dashboard top 10 or something here at WP =) Great post hehe, I’m totally grossed out now.
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What a shitty diet.
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alli TV spot
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
This is absolutely the most hilarious thing I’ve read in my entire life! My girlfriend disagrees with your thoughts on the uselessness of this drug, citing the companies instructions of only eating less than 15 grams of fat per meal. I of course follow your train of thought and feel that it’s a complete waste. Any moron that actually drops their hard earned cash on this product deserves to to get a dump truck full of pizza shit oil dumped on their head!
uhm.well then.
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Thanks so much for posting this. I was talking to my mom about this drug this morning, actually.
She works for a pharmaceutical agency (prescription stuff – they don’t make drugs) and says all the pharmacists swear by this garbage.
I wrote them a letter and can’t wait to see if I get a response…excuse the few cuss words:
“Hello, myalli.com and GlaxoSmithKline!
I just wanted to drop in and say THANK YOU!! to your marketing department! 🙂
By the way, YOU should thank your web content generating employees for posting statements such as:
“You may not usually get gassy, but it’s a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens.”
“If you’re getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over”
I’m saying thank you for being honest about your ass-exploding pill’s side affects.
Usually I would write a well-written letter to express my thoughts, however – your entire company is unacceptable to the point of angering me.
Not only are you promoting a drug that targets women and contributes to their low self esteem, your drug renders its users useless in society – from fear of shitting their pants.
So…a big FUCK YOU to myalli.com and GlaxoSmithKline!
Have a great day (hope you brought an extra outfit..)
Thanks,
Kasey
P.S.
The e-mail address is correct – please feel free to contact me so I can respond to your PR bullshit.”
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Well, whoever prefers shitting oil to actually taking care of themselves and eating reasonably probably deserves alli anyway. It’s a match made in heaven. I wouldn’t be too harsh on them unless they come near my pool.
Oh my god, absolutely funniest post I’ve read in years.
I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe…
Thanks, I needed that!
Hey, bud;
Apparently the business term “synergy” is lost on you.
This “alli” is a fantastic product…first-rate, tip-top!
Did you ever consider the impact of the public using this product on the adult incontinence undergarment market?
I’ll betcha that the board of directors at “alli” did…as well as the boards of directors of undergarment manufacturers.
(A lot of the same people just may sit on both boards)
And if they happened to invest in each others’ stock?
“Synergistic”!
See how that works?
freaking hilarious! I’m gonna go shit now. (:
I’ve been a personal trainer for 10 years. When Xenical first came out one of my clients was on the drug. I was able to talk her to go off it after a couple months… but I will say this. She told me she pooped baby oil! Ew.
This was the funniest post I have ever read in my entire life. Amazing.
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You know what makes me feel even more depressed? The fact that things like this get approved by a supposedly “serious” institution.
Thanks for the laugh! Maybe alli could team up with Depends adult diapers for a marketing campaign.
“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.”
— Henry Mencken
They should start selling mass quantities of perfume or febreeze with the alli to combat the ever lingering stinch of shit. I guess from now on when you walk past a skinny bitch and she smells like shit, you won’t look to see if she’s a brown nosing bitch anymore, you’ll just say “Oh wow alli really does work”. lmao!
Would this be a good time to divest my portfolio and invest in depends?
very funny
Wow.
We should all be proud to be American at a moment like this.
This article was the FUNNIEST thing i’ve read in years. It was so damn true it was humerous.
Who in the world would shit themselves just to loose weight?!
That was wonderfully brilliant.
What I’m afraid of, though, is that many people will probably proceed to try the product after reading this entry.
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I didn’t bother to read all the million and one comments but suffice to say this goes on all the time and has for decades (aka corporate ambush): look at the way they tout vaccination as a guard of life. It’s in effect the same propaganda, but bullshit in reality. Why put something in your body that has all these shyte contra-indications that we know about, but they say it is all worth it because (and this is what I really like: a bunch of “scientists” miraculously becoming psychics) if you don’t you will die or become all fucked up because of some disease – never mind the fact that what you’re forcing into your body has it’s own issues!
But hey, people are sheep these days and will do things because of the fear bred into us.
The people in my office are telling me to go home already because I am laughing so hysterically.
And unfortunately I think I may have first hand experience with these symptoms, ever eat those chips made with Olestra? Another diet demon that results in oily shit.
Truly, thanks.
I actually read about this today.. it was a little fold out pamphlet in a magazine.. I got quite a laugh out of “treatment effects”. Screw up by eating to much fat and your treatment effect will be shitting all over yourself. I guess that would be incentive to not eat.
Oh boy this is just what I’ve been looking for. I can’t wait, I think I might shit my pants just thinking about it… Yep. Oh this is great, what ever would I do without it.
Ah so the good news is that although I’m not going to take this drug in a million years I am going to lose weight as I will never look at a pizza again let alone EAT ONE! EUWWWW
I LOL’ed ^^
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long long time. It’s hard to believe they could put such blatant shit on their site. I hope -THEY- are wearing dark pants.
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As a personal chef and as an advocate of heathy eating, I would like to ask people not to rely on GMO products and/or meds. Think back 300 years. Did we rely on Pharm for our nutritional needs? No. We were one with the land, walked more, ran more, and ate what is now toted as “real food”. Truth is, natural non-processed fat actually helps absorbs nutients into the bloodstream. I hope many of you watch and enjoy Michael Moore’s new movie Sicko’. It has some very good points and kinda puts America to shame as far as health care issues. But the caviat, the richest and most well endowed country, and even the richest state in the union as far as fresh produce and viable livestock are concerned, has yet to garner the respect of the world on being able to produce a viable standard of heathy food, and more importantly, a viable model of how riches of the world can corrupt a perfectly good thing.
Caution: This medication will most likley make you want to take a walk in the out of doors, ride a bike, eat more vegitables, drink tea, eat more garlic and ginger, watch less TV, discover Mate’, and more or less totally jack up your life.
It’s funny and unbeliaval interesting I think. But it can make somebody really foolish. That’s all.
i have not laughed that much in a long time!
Neither have i
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Oh come on people! You fail to see the true potential here. Just think about it, now you have a way to lose weight and you can use the damn oil as bio fuel for your car. How cool is that? You keep yourself in “good health” and help save the environment too, so shit away!
lmao
dude your to funny for words
Well…does it really bother you that they pfffft oily gas? However, they do pose harzard….oil slick on the shopping mall. hehehe
Hahaha… I’m shitting down oil out of sheer laughter.
I took this shit (pun intended) back when it was prescription only and called Xenical. Without getting too gross, I did ruin a couple pairs of chinos while on this stuff! And it didn’t help me lose any particular weight anyway.
Omg… you are funny.
I’m bookmarking this blog.
Not true – “They’re promoting bad habits and laziness. The subtext to the whole thing is “this drug lets you lose weight with NO exercise and NO change to your eating patterns.”
They do promote a healthier diet and excercise. Alli is to be used as a tool for weight loss. They said it themselves, “there is no magic pill.” If you eat the recommended lower fat diet you won’t have the treatment effects. How is that the same same as what you wrote, “no change to your eating habits.”
My guess is that you and most of your commentors have never had a weight problem and there is so much more to it than “Duh, eat less, move more = weight loss.” Food for some is an addiction and it’s used to replace something else that is lacking. Obviously that doesn’t work but ask anyone who is fat if they like being that way. The answer is obvious and if it were that simple, there wouldn’t be any fat people. Anything negative you’ve ever thought about a fat person doesn’t compare to the dialogue that goes on their heads. It’s easy to judge, but apparently not so easy to have some sympothy.
sydneyalli – “there is so much more to it than “Duh, eat less, move more = weight loss.” ” – Rubbish! You eat less, you exercise more, you will lose wait, end of story. And, if you do just that you won’t need to shit yourself as well.
“if it were that simple” – it is that simple, you just need to get off your fat arse.
“It’s easy to judge, but apparently not so easy to have some sympothy.” – It is easy to judge. It’s also easy to eat less and exercise more. Of course you could always just pop pills instead …
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wow .thats was one hell of a blog..
good work dude
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Just emailed the National Association of Pizzeria Operators about their fine product being compared to oily poo. Perhaps they will sue for product defamation or whatever it’s called. One can only hope.
bb
(- -)
thankyou mr angry, that’s either nostrils or boobs to say thanks for the No BS versionification, and shining a compassionate light where it’s sorely needed.
It is indeed a tragedy of the modern age that some people have to self-medicate so that they can spontaneously fart oil in awkward moments – simple pleasure which the rest of us tend to take for granted. *sflurp*
There is an old joke about a fellow who contracts a disease while on a business trip in asia
His doctor tells him that he has to have major surgery of amputation.
The fellow is in a daze and wandering around when he see the shingle of an foreign doctor – an asian doctor.
The doctor examines the patient – lists the aggressive treatment offered by the local , western trained , physician.
Yes yes says the patient.
The foreign doctor advises – no to worry.
No such aggressive treatment is necessary.
leave it alone.
It will shrivel and fall off itself with no further action needed or medication needed.
It’s unfortunate, but it seems that some people would rather wear Depends than leave that last Twinkie alone. Scary.
I laughed so hard – thanks I needed that!!! Everything I thought of about alli but couldn’t put to words the way you did!!
I’ve noticed the new alli commercials but couldn’t believe the FDA would put their okay on such a drug while we’re still waiting for more important scientific breakthroughs… did they not advertise / hype weven before the drug was on the market? How smart, gotta give em that. But wait – the weight-loss industry in a billion dollar market every pharmaceutical company MUST have their hands in. The side-effects you describe sound even harsher than the side-effectsof Olesta chips. And those I was always too afraid to try, too… out of fear that I poop myself! *lol*
Thank you! This made me laugh out loud. It’s so ridiculous, I just can’t believe it’s real. I was, shall I say, a little more reserved in my blog post about Alli, but I share your sentiments. This is hilarious, appropriately irreverent, and angry.
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Thanks for the laughs!
The drug companies seem to have Americans right where they want them. Got a problem? Take a pill. The people ignorant to take this pill are likely NOT to read about the “treatment effects”.
As for the FDA – they seem to have a pretty bad track record of late.
There’s only one way to lose weight and keep it off. Proper diet and exercise.
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Hi-fucking-larious!
It’s just. So. Wrong.
Anyone remember Olestra? It was a food additive that essentially did the same thing. Imagine pigging out on you favourite chips and having an Alli-attack! MadTV had a great take on it and called the ‘treatment effect’ anal leakage. They made fun of a new Olestra that had 10% less anal leakage and proceeded to demonstrate for 10 minutes in a mock infomercial how much less anal leakage is 10% less anal leakage. Classic! More on Olestra here:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olestra
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O the fun you could have with this product and your ex, or the ex’s dog or the ex mother ……
I don’t agree with that at all… unless you try it and follow the directions you don’t have much right to bash it. I’ve read the directions, am sticking to a healthy diet like they suggested and have had zero shitting of the pants or any “treatment” effects.
If it helps obese people who seriously need to take off weight and are willing to put in the hard work as well it’s a good thing.
It’s the people who want to take a magic pill and still eat like gluttons that are going to shit their pants… which in a way they deserve.
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Shit oil. Yum.
LOL, thanks for this.
i never laughed so hard in my life i think i shit my pants damn alli.
Alasdair – Of course diet and excercise equal weight loss! What you are failing to recognize is the mental and physical addiction that food holds over some people. Having many years in the mental health field, I’ve seen so many lives controlled by a feeling of emptiness. Some choose food to fill that void. It is an immediate gratification, it doesn’t dissapoint, it doesn’t judge. If you don’t have that problem it’s easy to judge and be rude about it too. I’m not promoting alli, I just don’t think losing weight for everyone is as easy as you want to think it is. Let’s compare it to smoking. It stinks, it looks stupid, it’s offensive and causes numerous health problems, much like being overweight. Why don’t smokers just quit! That’s easy to say if you are not addicted to nicotine. You must not be addicted to food or you’d already know this. Stop judging those who are. I guarantee no fat person WANTS to be that way. I bet you don’t really WANT to be rude, but you just can’t help yourself either. Maybe you are filling some voids too.
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SO, where can I buy this wonderful product?
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Don’t know what all the fuss is about; it’s just a kind of chemical nudge for your conscience. Not the kind of nudge that taps you gently on the shoulder, but one that reminds you to control what you eat by filling your pants with oily shit.
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I took the perscription form of this medication.
Of course it is supposed to be used along with a proper diet and exercise program. I lost fifty pounds but I had to stop taking it. I was going broke having to buy all those new clothes and under wear.
Funny conversation took place between my mom and I when she urged me to try this new diet pill. She begins to tell me that I might shit myself if I eat more than 15gms of fat per day. I’m like…I don’t need a bottle of diet pills to shit myself. I can do it and it not cost me a dime if I have the urge to embarrass myself like that! Why would anyone want to take this pill if they KNOW they are going to shit themselves. Are the makers of this “miracle drug” really serious!
re:Pizza is one of my favourite foods and these evil fucks have done their best to turn me off it for life.
They’re probably hoping that is true for the majority of the people reading, hence you will lose even weight from increased food aversions.
(Great post, btw.)
haha at it “makes you shit oil” lol
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Mmm… Did anyone say pizza!?
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http://www.rathergood.com/seepage/
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A close friend sent me a link to your blog. Oh. My. God. I have not laughed so hard in weeks! We sat here laughing so hard, until she almost threw up; I thought I would need CPR. Thanks for giving us the down and dirty on alli, straight with no chaser.
Here’s to your rapier wit. I will never look at extra cheese pizza the same again, or macaroni and cheese, or lasagne…forget the oil and vinegar dressing, hold the mayo! laughing our asses off!!!
Just a note: Maltitol, a common sugar-substitute in things like sugar free candy (I’ve noticed it particularly in caramel-tasting sugar free candy) can have side effects somewhat like those described by alli … it doesn’t pass fat directly through the body, but it can cause cramps/gas/diarrhea (even in relatively small doses, like 3 pieces of sugar-free candy). It acts like a pretty effective laxative – maybe not as intense (or disturbing-sounding) as this new “alli,” but still, bowel-related “treatment effects” are not limited to drugs alone. Try a generous serving of sugar free honey (pretty much 100% maltitol) and you’ll see what I mean – and it’s not even prescription-based!
The Colbert Report just made mention of this stuff :->
WOW!
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omg! an entire nation of oily butts!
O.M.F.G. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long, long time. You, sir, are the shit.
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A reason to be angry tday if u’re an aussie
http://fontsu.wordpress.com
geez this is crazy
Wow! what a great rant. Easily the finest and most eloquent rant on the tricky subject of ‘Anal Seepage’ that I’ve read in ages.
Where the hell do I GET some of this stuff?
I want some for my BIRTHDAY PARTY!
Just think…One little pill and your underpants look like something from a David Cronenberg movie!
God, I love the 21st century.
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Hilarious. My doctor put me on the prescription version of this a few years ago called Xenical. I took it for about a day till I realized if I was having such a hard time losing weight that I was willing to shit myself to do it there might be other issues at play here.
This is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time. My stomach is still sore from all the laughing.
Thanks mate 😀
interesting…I used fat blockers containing chitosan…which is powdered shrimp shells…and I didn’t pass any oil at all. I could indeed see the fat but it was more like butterscotch chips. And I did lose weight.
OMG.
I knew there was a catch.
I’ve been seeing it freaking EVERYWHERE, it’s really annoying.
Low fat diet and exercise. If you’re doing that, it’s what’s losing you the weight, not the goddam pill.
Stupid diet marketer people today.
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You rule! It’s time people are made aware what these “slimming pills” are really about.
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The weight loss with alli is supposed to be 2-4 pounds a MONTH. Seriously, less fat, modest exercise generally proposes 2 pounds a WEEK.
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this is not an oily underwear response but only a noticing of a melbourne comedy festival association:
Did you know:
Ramadan is as good at enforcing annorexia as pooing your pants, and both better than the bullemia option.
Also, if you are like me, you could try visiting a remote Aboriginal community and pick up the gardia germs which have every body shitting freely there; I notice this morning even the aussie Army is getting in on the act at the Prime Ministers expense.
Alternatively, you might like to read my blog defaming the situation in a more serious way, although, it must be said that the developments in the remote Aboriginal consciousness of all Australians are really conducive to shitting fat with regularity.
Yeah…this country has been going crazy for a while now. Fad diets and fraudulent miracle pills. What they don’t realize is a simple rule that is so FUCKING obvious. If you want to lose weight:
1) Eat healthy and in moderation
2) Get off your ass and exercise
Thank you and check out my blog @ stancelspencer.wordpress.com
I heard they are not going to sell alcoholic drinks to Aboriginals in Australia, is that true? I am an Native person and find that strange, yet alcohol has been terrible to many Native communities including mine own, but to single out one group is odd.
Oh this is just so brilliant I shat myself…Off to don a nappy, will be back shortly to read it again…
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LMFAO … That has to be one of the best articals I have ever read. PRICELESS!!
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I can already see the spam messages now:
Deals on Viagra and alli…for the hardcore pervs out there!
Warning: this combination really is not for the faint of heart.
Sooooo funny! thank you, I rarely get to laugh like this.
OMG! You’re post made me shoot water out of my eyes. I have to dry off the computer screen now. I can’t stop laughing. Thank you. That was great!
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Absolutely hilarious article!
http://mikeelliottsblog.wordpress.com
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I can’t stop laughing. The FDA and the pharmaceutical company’s can suck my nuts.
I’m laughing so hard, I have tears streaming out of my eyes. Hey, that’s better than oil out of my ass! Thanks so much for the good laugh!
They called it “leakage” on the news. I prefer your explaination.
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Not only will a drug like Alli (Orlistat) drain your butt dry, it will also do so with your wallet! Save your money, and diet and exercise !
Here is my Take on ALLI :
http://www.themorbidme.com/2007/06/alli-the-new-we.html
OH SHIT. DID I FORGET TO TURN OFF THE IRON? GOTTA GO, NO TIME TO COMMENT.
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Oh my gawd I laughed so hard at this post of yours that I couldn’t breathe. Thanks for the hilarious words of brilliance-
Catherine, the redhead
Oh dear God! I haven’t laughed that hard in some time. Sadly, you are absolutely right. The masses can be a bunch of lemmings. It’s no wonder Bush is in – twice!
I laughed so much I nearly shat myself! Just as well I’m not using ‘alli’!
too funny! I love it!
This was too funny. Didn’t they try something years ago like this in potato chips? I think it was called Olean.. Or Olestra or something.. They tried to use it in potato chips to block fat absorption. Same thing.. You’d poo oil.
http://www.olean.com/
At last a way for one who does not keep Kosher to get some help with pork fat/oil. I will have to tell my gay friends about this lube.
This has gotta be one of the most outrageous things I´ve read in my whole life! I still can´t figure out why some people would want to go on laxatives all day, just for the sake of weight-loss, but I guess that´s the way it is. Well, I guess if some people would go puking all day long, they also go shitting all day! lol.
Oh my god! I was late Clocking OUT at work because i was cracking up and had to read the entire thing! How funnay are you! This is hilarious!
Whatever happened to good old fashioned liposuction.
OMG. WTF. I can not believe the FDA would allow something like this.
omg i just read another blog where the writer mentions a huge problem:
theater seats!!! the “stain” cannot be wiped out. the smell stays too. they will only come out with bleach. even with bleach it is very hard to remove. i am taking a seat cushion to the theater from now on!
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Thank you – I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks!
Just one more piece of proof that Eddie Izzard was right – America is the new Rome. At least Rome set aside vomitariums for this crap… we’re all doing it out on the streets in our trendy, newly loose-fitting dark pants with oilstains on our cracks!
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good lord that’s funny.
but remember when they first introduced those lay’s potato chips that tasted like fat but contained no fat?
the warning label said people who ate the chips might experiece “anal leakage.”
and they eventually pulled them from the market.
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OMG…I just posted a translation from marketing-speak to plain English of alli’s weight loss bullshit on my blog (http://gracefulflavor.net), and I noticed yours in WordPress’s Top Posts.
We wrote pretty much the same post. Hilarious.
I think, between our two posts, we pretty much used the word “shit” enough to kill it.
Good post. Thanks for the laughs.
–JV
GracefulFlavor.net
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my 17 yr old son has just been put on these as he put on weight while recovering from cancer treatment,so our doctor prescibed these little devils, he has only been on them 4days and has had enough,talk about poop for england,i know there is a warning but i think they should highlight it , my son is gonna wait until he can weight bear and lose weight the old fashioned way,diet and exersise.we stumbled upon this blog,and my son hasnt laughed so much in weeks,i shouldnt be funny but it is,if your thinking about going on these pills .THINK AGAIN,YOU WILL HAVE NO LIFE OR FREINDS.also they are not suppossed to suppress the apittite,my son ate like a horse before taking these,now he eats nothing,very scary and he is insulin dependant diabetic,we were told that there should be no problems apart from the oil slick constantly coming out of his butt,so i am going to email the company and highlight this area as for diabetics to miss lots of meals is a very big deal,BEWARE OF ORLISTAT.love samantha xx
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I laughed out loud reading this post. The fact people are buying this says so much about how messed up our society. And the fact that I’m kind of thinking about it….
Thank you for making me laugh out loud!
I was considering getting these pills until a) I saw that it would only increase my current weight loss by 20% and b) that I would not be able to leave the house to exercise because I would crap myself. ‘B’ is what horrified me and ‘a’ is not significant enough to risk having to deal with bringing a change of clothes and investing in a seat guard for my office chair.
I’m doing a better job on my own without farting out pizza oil (well, there goes dinner) or other, spontaneous anal eruptions.
You know what this pill reminds me of? Olestra.
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THIS IS A BUNCH OF FCKING BULLSHT. ONLY THE DUMB SH1T FAT FUCK AMERICANS WHO STUFF HAMBURGERS AND FRIES IN THEIR SAGGING GULLETS HAVE THIS SIDE EFFECT!!!!!!! If you eat less than 15g of fat per meal you will **********NOT********** have this side effect. They only warn of it prominently to not get sued by all the mcdonalds huffing FAT COW b1tches out there who will shovel fat into their gaping craw and then pop the pill. NO KIDDING of course those idiots will sh1t themselves.
but **NOT** if you eat well.
And for all the loser 1diots who say if you diet you don’t need this you are retarded! If you want to loose a lot of weight you will combine every method, metabolic enhancers PLUS diet PLUS exercise, PLUS this pill or others like it!!
all you immature twats are just pathetic.
“poo! hehe snicker snicker” .. bunch of little KIDS
wow, the world sure does hate a fat person.
i agree with christa. only people who have never been obese or have no problem losing weight would think it’s inconceivable that anyone would try this drug. i’m not obese (but once was), i DO have trouble loosing weight (but won’t be trying this drug) so i get it.
this post was still really funny 🙂
It is better to adopt natural process (like exercise etc.) rather than to go for any kind of medicine.
More thoughts on alli, specifically about how it really is very similar it Antabuse, only for food.
It’s more behavior modification than pharmaceutical magic.
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LOL!!! Who would use that, really? There’s got to be better ways for someone that wants to lose weight.
Every time I see these commercials that praises the virtues of some new prescription drug, and then quickly says that it may cause undesired side effects such as bloody stool, headaches, nausea and death (just an undesired side effect, huh? Maybe there’s another drug that can clear that one right up?), I laugh my a** off. Unbelievable what gets approved as safe.
CHAD Thank you so much for talking about the orange oily discharge with stool. I experienced this when I started using this pill. I contacted the company and they told me that their pill does not cause this orange oily discharge. I was at a loss and thought I had cancer or some other serious illness. Afther two days of internet resrarch, I found you on this site and you have calmed my fears. I’m going to call the company and express what they have put me through by not being straight forward about this situation.
Well wishes to you and yours CHAD!!!!!!
This reads a lot like a should-be McDonald’s advertisement, with all those side-effects….
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holy shit (literally), i was looking for a website on which to post my Alli experience when i came across this post.
this morning, my shit looked like a bowl of chicken noodle soup, with a layer of orange grease beading at the top of the toilet water. this is after i literally shit oil down my legs. why this side effect? because i dared to eat a veggie burger last night, which apparently was too greasy.
why am i trying alli? i am not as overweight as they recommend you be to take this drug, however, i am an amateur pharmacologist and am always open to pop a new pill.
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Hello there,
I worked at a market research firm in high school. This was the late 80’s, and Proctor and Gamble was doing research on a similar product: a fat substitute that would slide right through the body’s system without sticking. During this particular testing period, 100 or so folks were paid 500 dollars a piece to eat french fries everyday for 10 days, some fried in the real fat, and some in the *Olestra*. I was on the french fry serving team, but there was another team at the facility…the underwear processing people. Everyday, the participants would bring their old, anal-leakaged undies in a baggie and get their new undies (no word on what they wore while actually eating the fries…) Gross, huh? but kind of similar to the results of alli.
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I like your blog. I my self write about very human common things, That give me a strange name.
My name is Gosipp
http://sofiawinterborn.wordpress.com/2007/05/25/sofiagossip-i-heard-a-terrible-conversation-yesterday/
Gossip is the right spelling sorry
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Smile and soil
Ye pants with oil
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That is the funniest shit story I ever heard. Now each time I look at a young sexy thin chick I will think she is full of shit! LOL
This is soo true (100%) you will always shit oil and have no control over your bowels. You must go on a diet that does not contain fat not oil or else suffer.
I learned my lesson. I now have to steam clean my seats because my ass did leak.
sweet! now all of us have an excuse to wear adult diapers
Well, I am taking alli. I have lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. The way they get you to lose weight is to scare you to death. You eat healthy because after the first time you have the “treatment effects” you don’t want to have them again! It is working, however.
I have to say that I didn’t like the language of the piece, but I almost never laugh at something I’m reading like I laughed out loud at this. Maybe it is from my first hand experiences over the last couple of weeks. Nicely done.
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I normally shit my pants anyways, so taking this drug wouldn’t introduce anything new.
Absolutely superb!! i nearly shit myself with laughter. God knows what the neighbours are thinking.
hahahhahah this is hilarious!! Thanks for the laughs!!
How funny……I guess I will join the gym instead
Oh my Lord, I haven’t laughed that hard in years. You have a talent, sir — and your comments are the absolute truth. I know people (and people who know people) who have taken this pill and the side effects are horrible (and if the woman from Stacey’s office who is taking alli happens across this site, please do the whole world a favor and learn to flush your oily shit before returning to your desk).
I will vouch for diet and exercise — I got rather large after quitting my fast-paced job to be a mom (yes, I was eating too much of the wrong foods) and when I asked my doctor what to do, God bless her, she didn’t offer me a pill. She told me to cut back on my portions and ramp up my exercise. Eight months later I am 74.2 pounds lighter. It CAN be done, people — and shitting yourself for the rest of your life is a LOT harder than dragging your big behind (in clean pants!) to a gym and eating more salad.
Your suppose to eat right and excersize when taking Alli dumbasses it says it on the site! If you shit your pants its only because you were pushing LMFAO!
I was on a low fat diet with moderate exercise for 8 weeks losing a whopping 12 pounds. Continuing my same diet using alli, I was able to lose 20 more pounds in the same amount of time! You truly do lose more weight. I am 44 years old and the weight has never como off easily for me. This is a “help tool” to encourage me and keep me motivated to be in the best possible shape. I stick with a low fat diet and have had none of the treatment effects, in fact, i feel wonderful.
Didn’t Kevin Smith already do this exact same thing?
I have been on Alli for two weeks now. I have watched my fat intake and calorie counting also and have NOT lost one pound.
I think it’s a scam myself. As for those horrible side effects I have had NONE. I have constipation problems and actually thought this drug may help that also but it did not. No side effects fron alli and………no weight loss not even a 1/2 pound.
thank you! that was the funniest thing i’ve read in awhile!
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Alli pimping – GSK’s new Ally
Not content with shit shovelling us diarrhoea from GSK headquarters regarding the ‘shit yourself thin pill’ Alli, Glaxo, it seems employed the services of Debbie Weil to pimp their product.
Who is Debbie Weil?
Well, she is the author of… wait for it…. The Corporate Blogging Book: Absolutely Everything You Need to Know to Get It Right
You can purchase copies of her masterpiece on Amazon where she even offers the chance to win copies of her book by taking ‘a quick survey’.
She adds:
“Lots of smart folks are saying that 2007 will be the year of executing — as opposed to asking why or what — when it comes to business blogs. And I agree with them. But I want to know what *you* are thinking.”
Well, Debbie, I’m thinking that by pimping GlaxoSmithKline’s Alli you have quite literally ‘shat’ yourself in the foot.
Now, if you want any advice on how to write a blog or indeed how to write a book about writing a blog then I suggest you skim through the archives of the angry aussie or why not visit mine, Seroxat Sufferers? (http://fiddaman.blogspot.com)
Oh, and here’s another tip for you while I’m at it – Give the money you received from GSK (if they paid you that is?) to a bowel charity.
I hereby award Debbie Weil with the Seroxat Sufferers prestigious Dumbass Award
Fid
Debbie Weil you are a dumbass!
I have only been taking the drug for a day. (so far no problems with the bathroom..but do to all the talk I am sure it is coming..(oh fucking joy)
I did want to know is anyone else kinda feeling stoned. I am damn near falling asleep. I know this much I will not be driving a car till the feeling goes away.
And we are to take this 3 times a day.
Hell I am half temped to go back on the Special K diet (which does seem to “kind-a” work) and flush this shit down the shiter since it is going to end up there anyway!
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I am crying from laughing so hard!!!!
It is sad but amazing that people would subject themselves to such torture. It is also a strong statement about what drug companies will put forth as a cure.
What is most disappointing is that the amount of money spent developing this drug, marketing, and purchasing could be better spent elsewhere. Isn’t it sad that we have people starving in one part of the world, and we have people overeating and taking pills to push it through faster so that they lose weight in another.
HAHAHAHAHA Your article is great! Thank You!
Their marketing slogan should be “This too shall pass.”
Haha this post cracks me up everytime I read it.
I am so horrified by this story that I am going on a low fat diet just in case my insurance company forces me to take this pill.
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I was tormented by this most terrifying nightmare.
As it were, the omen had become true that you realy “are” “What you eat” and that it all goes down the W.C when you´re finished!
oh jesus. i laughed my ass off several times while reading this, you’re brilliant.
i’ve been taking alli for about three days.. four? yeah. and i haven’t had any of the side effects at all. maybe im just lucky..
that was the best thing i’ve read today! omg, i laughed through so much of that article. thanks for bringing this to light, though. i’m sure many people who think about taking this drug don’t know these things. funny and informative! you can’t beat that! thanks!
I am an alli user, which made this even funnier. I really am dieting and exercising, so I only had treatment effects once when I first started. I would’ve shit my pants, but I followed the directions and started on Friday evening so I was at home, near the toilet, as instructed. The alli website is hilarious. You can only view the forum postings if you have bought the product and enter the code inside the package. If people viewed the forum before purchasing they probably wouldn’t buy it. There is an awful lot of talk about shitting in pants on their website. Lots of talk about how to remove the oily stains from office chairs, car upholstery, etc. But as I said, I am not having problems with treatment effects and am losing weight pretty rapidly.
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OMG, that is the fucking funniest thing I have read in a LONG time . . . almost shit my pants. Who needs alli when you have the angry Aussie?! Thank you so much Angry Aussie!!!!! I’m a newbie here, but will be back!
Doesn’t matter how many times I come back and read this, I end up laughing my ass off for hours.
Hysterical…
It’s a simple fact.
If you want to lose weight, eat less and excersize more.
Or you can stop eating all together. Just don’t take alli.
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OMG LMFAO this is great, I laughed so hard. I was looking into trying alli and I was researching it when I came across your blog.
You are so funny and a very good writer! Thanks for the laugh and insight to the pizza oil farts LOL.
I came across this blog by accident after going to the official ‘alli’ site. I quickly lost interest reading the propaganda. As a fellow Aussie, let me say, ‘Mate, you are a champion and deserve a literary prize for that one.’ I will send people for a great laugh.
Keep up the good work.
Fart is an art. Fart is an English language vulgarism most commonly used in reference to flatulence. The word fart is sometimes used as a nonspecific derogatory epithet, often to refer to ‘an irritating or foolish person’, and potentially an elderly person, described as an ‘old fart’. Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable. You can test that with a match. QUOTE OF THE DAY: Confucius say, Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Get a Fart Button for your website. That’s right you can add a little bit of extra humor and excitement to your site by adding a Fart Button.
The Art of the Fart
Fart can be used as a noun or a verb. Come on admit it, your own farts smell alright to you, If you have your friends smell your farts, to everyone else they’re rotten and smell like you’ve been eating road kill. So you say “How can you make my fart not smell so bad”. Well, for starters, the gas that makes up a fart comes from two sources: more originates from the breakdown of food by the digestive system, and some is from swallowed air.
Farts Parts
Farts come in different shapes, sizes and stench. Farts, burps, poop, pee, boogers, scabs, warts, puss, snot and puke; these are just a few of the subjects that are being thoroughly investigated during an exhibit entitled “Grossology,” on display at the McWane Center in downtown Birmingham through Sept. Also I believe it was the subject of many conversations when I was in middle school.
The Law of Farting
Farting is best when it’s done on someone. At work, farting is permitted outside a Company building provided farts will not enter the building and it is not a thoroughfare for non-farters. Farting requires positioning that best maximizes the bodies ability to expel gas. Farting is unpleasant, and you should always hold it in until you can slip off to the hallway. Farting never gets old, not in the slightest, but I say farting makes me feel good, though it’s not nearly as good as that big ol’ dump in the morning. Farting is common among all humans. It keeps us humble. Farting is a privilege, not a right.
Family of Farters
I come from a family of open farters. Please note that I am referring to farts that make your family and friends yelp. For example, Blazing saddles will be on tonight at 9 on FOX Family. I’ll be right here at 9, if I can remember which channel FOX Family is. But first I have to clear my brain.
The word “fart” has been incorporated into the colloquial and technical speech of a number of occupations, especially computing. Farting is always funny, and when they stink, it’s even funnier. Farts smell obnoxious because of the breakdown of compounds containing sulfur (think rotten eggs). Farting is a field ripe for exploration and indeed it’s over-ripe. Fart and the whole world farts with you.
Haha, wat an Miracle, I enjoy this.
LOL! We have been talking about that over here for a while…I love the way the site calls crapping your pants a “treatment affect”…hahahaha!
There was a lady in front of me at the store buying alli and a frozen pot-pie.
I happen to know from normal dieting (i.e. reduce calorie intake and exercise) – that those pot-pies are actually considered 2 servings and when you add everything up they contain almost 100% of the fat a person should eat in a whole day…I almost said something to her but I figured she’d get the picture in a couple days.
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very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
Idetrorce
Well that is totally true that these miracle diet pills have Side effects. some of patients who have the bwel problem are victims of these diet pills.
Actually everything in perfect is quantatitty is a medicine. if it is taken in quantatity then it is not les s than the poison.
Your no nonsense truth is absolutely correct. I have been on it for 3 days and you do not fart or shit without what I call the “painting-easter-eggs-like-floating-orange-oil-substance” dotting out of your ass. It sticks to your toilet and does not flush. After you use about a roll of toilet paper to wipe your ass clean, you now have to get cleaner and a scrub brush and clean the inside of your toilet. No lie, the “shit” does not flush! But, for those of us who are taking full advantage of the holidays, I’ll take it…
okay now i got to take a shit and i’m at work !
oh.. that was really funny,
I can’t believe how dumb everyone is! They take this disgusting poison instead of taking a little responsibility to avoid scarfing down junk all day and do a little exercise. They’d rather shit themselves uncontrollably, wear diapers, shit when they fart, and worry about leaving the house than to even give a second thought to eating a sensible diet!
Brilliant!
I just started taking alli – Im 5′ 11” and weigh 145 lbs. — im not a hamburger scarfing fatty but I thought I would try to lose some vanity weight. I have sharted myself only once and currently sitting on a wad of tissues in fear of a “treatment effect” at work. America Rules
Well, if I was the company that produces tampons… I would have a new market to target for my product sales!
You heard it first here – Playtex 😉
wallyo aka wall*e
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After reading this article,I want to go out to see the movie with my boy firend.
Goodbye and Good Luck.
I’m a 23 year old female and just started taking this 3 days ago without hesitation. Like “skinni minny”, just want to lose some “vanity pounds.”
2 hours ago, I just had to leave my corporate job early (was wearing beautiful gray slacks) because I went to the restroom to go pee, and found a HUGE oil stain on the ASS of my pants.
While driving home, I was praying to the good Lord that no one noticed and thought my life was over.
Luckily, this article didn’t make me feel so bad.
Horrifying.
Disgusting.
Sticks to the toilet.
Spreads all over.
P.S. The oil stain does NOT come out of your clothes unless you use hard core “spray and wash”.
Ready to buy a new wardrobe fit for a funeral? I am so disgusted that I took the rest of the day off.
I’ll leave you with this…
I called a friend of mine right now and told her my experience. She has been taking it, and has lost some weight. I told her what happened today and her reply was, “Yeah, I didn’t want to scare you… but my office chair is permanently stained.”
I’m a 23 year old female and just started taking this 3 days ago without hesitation. Like “skinni minny”, just want to lose some “vanity pounds.”
2 hours ago, I just had to leave my corporate job early (was wearing beautiful gray slacks) because I went to the restroom to go pee, and found a HUGE oil stain on the ASS of my pants.
While driving home, I was praying to the good Lord that no one noticed and thought my life was over.
Luckily, this article didn’t make me feel so bad.
Horrifying.
Disgusting.
Sticks to the toilet.
Spreads all over.
P.S. The oil stain does NOT come out of your clothes unless you use hard core “spray and wash”.
Ready to buy a new wardrobe fit for a funeral? I am so disgusted that I took the rest of the day off.
I’ll leave you with this…
I called a friend of mine right now and told her my experience. She has been taking it, and has lost some weight. I told her what happened today and her reply was, “Yeah, I didn’t want to scare you… but my office chair is permanently stained.”
———————————————————
Too Bad you loaf of shit
That was so funny! Thanks for making me laugh at myself. I actually tried alli after months of contemplating. I tossed it after getting bad, bad cramps. Now, I am looking around for people who have had complications and came across this-LMAO!!
Oh oh oh I cannot stop laughing! This is hilarious and I am so sorry to read comments from people actually dealing with it! Wow.
And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat pizza again…
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The pill basically gives you what people in the developing world try to avoid
Hilarious. I remember a David Letterman sketch that start “Lost weight without diet or exercise. That pretty much leaves disease.” So here’s a pill that gives you a disease. Great!
[shameless_plug]
BTW, if you don’t think you can lose weight by burning more calories than you eat (without pills), come join us at http://calorielookup.com for a week or two.
[/shameless_plug]
Cheers, Rick
I hope they never find a miracle weight loss cure. I am attracted to the cute chubby girls that you all despise and think would look better if they lost 50 pounds. If they disappear, I go celibate
Alli sounds like Mrs. Piggle Wiggle’s cure for fatness
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Oh man! I was actually eating pizza when I started reading this.
You owe me 15 bucks!!
“Also, when you fart, it SOMETIMES has a discharge of oil. What I did, and it sounds gross, is take some toilet paper and wad it up and leave it “up in there” in case of a shart. One thing about this story is wrong, though. You WILL NOT shit yourself.”
Now, if something other than air comes out when I break wind, I would say I was pooing my pants… it does SOUND better if you say ‘discharge’ I guess. But, it is what it is…
Only in the mighty USA 😀 the rest of the world googles the drugs first 😉
I bought Alli to try to get in bikini shape in two weeks. I weighed 130lb and wanted to lose 5-10lbs. The side effects of Alli definitely made me WANT to stay away from fatty foods which was my problem to begin with. So it definitely worked for me. It’s a great product if you look at it the right way!
that was hot what u wrote and it got me thinking about tight situations where people could get into when on this pills, women are usually more sensitive to public restroom so imagine if your girlfriend when to a funeral in her formal dress and the treatment effect turn her butt into a diarrhea cannon blasting out hot shit fillin’ her as the priest speak. yeahh, take alli and don’t regret it when you’re stuck in traffic with a lake of diarrhea soaking through your pant!!
I try alli last year, and I think it simular to a laxative, with laxatives if you’re not careful you could go in your pant too. except with laxative
you could feel it coming. with alli treatment it happened so quick you wont feel the urge to poop but your tight jean is already ruin. It happen to me when I went car shopping at tarbox toyota, I had explosive diarrhea all in my pant it was so fast
I was in hot pant “literally” I couldnot even believe it…..I’ll just stick with exercise daily
OMG – I laughed so hard I cried!!!
Started taking it here in the states 2 weeks ago, was ok for the most part – took in WAY less fat that I was allowed (for fear I would shit my pants)
and I have had such TERRIBLE gas that when I get out of my car and come back to it hours later, it still stinks! Think it is in the cushion!!
The other day I was out with my Hubby and he took me to a jewelry store to pick out my mothers day gift..when all of sudden, I HAD to go. If I farted, it was coming out!!! Of course the fucking clerk would not let me use the bathroom (insurance reasons – cause everyone is sue happy here in the US and no one trusts ANYONE) so I rushed out of the store, I never picked out jewelry so fast in my life… go across the street to a strip mall and proceeded to ask every store person there if I could use their bathroom. They ALL said the same thing, INSURANCE!!! Finally a nail salon let me use theirs and by that time, I made a fudgie! Took me 20 minutes to clean up and had to throw out the undies… and of course TAN pants… thanks god for a long shirt!!
So all in all yes, you could lose weight on alli, I must haave lost 4 pounds that day!!!
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There you get it, the solution to the world’s oil problems.
alli..
Now all we need is a way to store the oil u fart …
Jack,
Presumabley with every packet of alli you’ll also be provided with a special ‘tube’ and a bottle designed to tuck into your sock?!
Thank you so much for posting this. This is absolutely hilarious. Spend months search google for the best new diet pills on the market, wish I had known about this.
“However, to suggest that the drug companies don’t want people to exercise and diet in conjunction with their medication is just plain wrong. They do. It is not just marketing b.s. Working out and eating less fatty foods makes their drug work better! Which translates to happy customers and good word of mouth.”
Yes, but if you are going to exercise and eat right anyways, then why take this? I can exercise, eat right, and not shit oil in my pants. I think that I will take the option that lets me have control over my bowels, thank you!
It is like the creators of the “brown note” got together and decided to make a pill that was more effective and lasted longer and that you had to pay for! Brilliant!
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Actually this drug does absolutely nothing only the perscription form of this drum does that. This is to weak a version to do anything but rob you of your hard earned money.
But I will admit my friend and I were talking about the drug when it came out and I was telling her the side effects as reported and we said imagine if you were with a guy especially if it was the first time you were getting busy and BAM you shit yourself. Our thoughts were deal breaker@ We were laughing so hard we couldn’t stop and we were on are way into see a client try explaining that one when they ask what are you laughing at??????
To all of those that are saying that the world’s oil problems are fixed.
Just try to imagine what the exhaust from this new “biofuel” is going to smell like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_cXcXcK0ok&feature=related It has a small segment of Olestra which pretty much says what you have said about Alli at 2:56.
Some people may want to use alli in order to be afraid of the side effects and eat less as a result of the fear. If you don’t need the side effects to help you stick to your diet you can look for a product with no known negative side effects.
Diet pill industry has mushroomed in the last decade and so has the number of fake diet pills. Most of the diet pill review sites proclaim an unbiased analysis and review but in the end present their own favorite diet pills.
TheDietinsider.com not only provides a combined verdict of experts and consumers but also advises the consumers of alternative ways of losing weight forever. Its goal is to educate the consumers about their natural well being as well as provide all the facts about a particular diet pill or weight loss supplement.
This site is filled with scientific and natural care resources in the form of – Diet pill articles, Diet Pill supplement white papers, weight loss natural methods and articles, Diet and weight loss videos, Weight loss E-book, and consumer polls related to weight loss and diet supplements.
It is our policy not to push the envelope for any one diet pill or supplement but to leave the best judgment to you. We try to clear the air about the most effective and healthy diet pills in the industry and the most natural weight loss methods and diet pill supplements. Our focus is your health and not any particular diet pill or weight loss supplement!
Another happy alli customer:
Hahaha thats crazy
> People who can eat healthier and
> exercise more aren’t interested in this shit.
Bullshit. To get on the prescription for the full drug you HAVE to be eating health and exercising. Alas the prescription does not last for ever.
“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.”
So it says on the website just what will happen. In fairly plain terms. Yeah, they really be hiding that one.
Just had to comment, nearly pissed myself laughing reading your post! You certainly have a way with words, I will be reading more often.
I’m with you on the whoel alli thing, no-one needs a diet pill, it is for lazy people that don’t want to eat healthy and exercise, you do that you don’t need a pill.
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OMFGAWWWWWWWWD!!! when I first started reading this post I thought “oh crap, here’s another scammer selling a miracle diet pill”.. I’m really glad I kept reading because YOU ROCK!! You told it straight up, no BS and you even swore out loud a few times… I know you’re passionate about something when swearing occurs!! HAHA.
thanks for this. I’m gonna send this to everyone I know who still thinks there’s a miracle out there waiting for them… yah, there is but its called DAMN HARD WORK AND PERSERVERANCE!!
thanks again, this post rocks. sincerely.
TAA
Ready for some more bad news about another untold side effect of alli? I just found this out today. Apparently it also causes liver damage.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8221313.stm
Just thought I’d share this with you.
Well, there are many ways to lose weigh unfortunatelly many weight loss diets will make you lose weight as a muscle as opposed to fat. So what is important is to learn how to lose fat, preserve and build muscles — that is the only way you can shrink belly fat and stop yo-yo dieting…Just my 2 cents
this is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Seriously, you’re good man.
oh my God…I didn’t knew if to laugh or …wtf
Wow… that was a scream… but seriously, if you READ the info and follow the directions and diet suggestions… YOU WON’T HAVE THE “LIQUID EXPLOSIONS”……….LOLROFPUG
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The moral of the story is there is no such thing as the miracle pill
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I haven’t laughed like this since year ago!
Bets are on that vodka with beer chasers is cheaper and less oily. Great words!
OMG! This is too funny, I nearly oiled myself. Thanks for the heads-up on the alli pill. Not exactly the way I would like to lose some weight, unless I was trying to shed some oil weight.
This was hilarious. Thanks for the post!
Peple who are trying to lose weight should just watch their diet, exercise, and make simple life style changes..
This can possibly be a serious issue. Be alert about drug manufacturers’ marketing tech. The best way to lose your weight is exercising hard. Couple of my friends talked about the side effects after they took those pills 😦
Y’know what? Those drugmakers are right. That’s exactly what the Doctor ordered. No matter what method ya use, ya gotta shit yer pants in order ta lose weight, man. I’ve just lost 10 lbs. this summer and I shit bucketloads. Sometimes as much as 4-5 times in the morning alone. Did a lot of walking too. But I didn’t use drugs, just natural laxatives – unsweetened Carrot juice with no preservatives + Acai Berry extract. In addition, reduced my calorie intake, esp. of fattening stuff like eggs, corn syrup, pops, dairy based sweets. So, the ugly truth, but be prepared ta crap a lot ifya wanta shave the lard, eh? And get a subscription of toilet paper from yer local supermarket, too.
Just losing 10 lbs. seemed to require me shittin’ hundreds of pounds (maybe a ton?) of ‘stuff’. It’s an awful process, and my bowels and stomach had to do a lotta work. Can see why a person would have oily stools in those weight loss drugs, cuz all that cholesteral, oil and junk in yer system that’s comin’ out. Sorry, I know that sounds gross, but is da ugly truth. That’s how much fat there is in today’s processed foods.
I didn’t know that losing weight will be funny like this, haha nice post! keep it up mate!
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is recently warning consumers about a counterfeit and potentially harmful version of Alli 60 mg capsules (120 count refill kit).
Preliminary laboratory tests conducted by GlaxoSmithKline (GSK)—the maker of the FDA approved over-the-counter weight-loss product— revealed that the counterfeit version did not contain orlistat, the active ingredient in its product. Instead, the counterfeit product contained the controlled substance sibutramine. Sibutramine is a drug that should not be used in certain patient populations or without physician oversight. Sibutramine can also interact in a harmful way with other medications the consumer may be taking.Be careful when you buy Alli and make sure it is original.
man,this makes me think twice if i should promote this product!
Good Photoshop, but there are convincing shots…
Ah goodness me! What a laugh this was! Reading the comments is just as good as reading the articles.
Thanks for this one. Just what I needed. Putting the diets on the side for now. It’s FRIDAY! 🙂
This is a smart weblog. I mean it. You’ve so much knowledge about this issue, and so much passion. You also understand how to make people rally behind it, obviously from the responses. Youve got a design here thats not too fancy, but makes a statement as big as what you are saying. Excellent job, indeed.
man,this makes me think twice if i should promote this product lol.
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Oh my gosh this just made me die of laughter!! Lol I hear about Alli and was curious to learn more about it.. After reading this there is absolutely no way I would take it and possibly may have issues with pizza the next time I indulge in it 🙂 great post!
This is true! I had orange droplets in my stool and I literally “sharted” (pooped my pants a lil) for the first time since I was a lil kid! Yikes
Is it dangerous tho?
Howdy just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know
a few of the images aren’t loading properly. I’m not
sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.
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I almost shit myself laughing at this because I literally shit my pants at work the first time I took alli. Hahahaha this is great. Well said.
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I googled “Why does everything smell like ass while taking alli?” and got to this blog. Funniest thing ever!! I went to put my pj’s on that I wore last night and they smelled like ass, wow, this stuff is awful, but I hope it works.
Its bad but not that bad.the abdominal discomfort makes you eat less cause of feeling bloated and nauseated which i consider good negative reinforcement in the bf skinner use of the phrase…a couple extra trips to the bathroom at work and you’ll be fine, you will not shit your pants. That said I’ve never taken it with a huge fatty meal…that might be asking for trouble.
I was googling Alli reviews and came across this….
You need to list pissing your pants as a side effect of reading you blog. Laughed so hard, I literally threw my laptop on the couch as I sprinted to the bathroom, and pissed my pants a little anyway.
kudos, sir. kudos.
That was the most truthful and funniest SPOT ON, (PUN) commentary response to this product that I’ve ever heard. Thank you for making me laugh….and consequently shitting my pants….LOL! Nice job 🙂
Whoever wrote this actually had me in stitches!!! That was soooo funny! Pure comedy! You actually bent alli over and bummed them hard!!! Great review!
Fantastic post!!!! Lol!
Love It 🙂
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OMG! I am horrified! I just coughed, and shit my pants from this drug, at a friends house. I had to borrow a spare pair of shorts for the ride home. I’m not sure if I can continue this.
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Xmas day was so much fun I spent most of the day on the loo. But it was worth it since I enjoyed a huge as lunch guilt free.
That’s funny I spent all day on the loo too I’m sure in laws thought I was bulimic lol
I wish I had read this before I tried it.
While it sucks to shit oil and all that, weight loss isn’t exactly easy, especially for certain people (like me) who have a condition that makes it much harder to lose and easier to gain weight (and also messes with certain feminine cycles). I’ve been working my ass off to lose weight since middle school. I was close to choosing to be bulimic. So it’s not always laziness, sometimes it’s humiliation and desperation. (But the oily shit sucks like hell.)
Anonymous
This story certainly is funny in a juvenile sense, but it is grossly exaggerated. There is some evidence of people who have taken these medications and have had the undesirable effects described, but the vast majority do not.
There is only one drug, (the can be bought over the counter) that would force the desired effect of causing you to shit yourself without warning, and that is Phenophaline or Phenolphthalein. This is an Acid Base Testor and was once the active ingredient in E-Lax. (One drop per 6 pounds of extra strength E-Lax).
However it was dropped because it was found to be a carcinogen, (Cancer causing agent). One drop of this into a non acid reactive fluid will cause the recipient to just simply shit themselves uncontrollably, without warning. The effects last for up to 6 hours and can cause dehydration.
How it works is that it acts like a poison in the system, the body then draws water from the surrounding tissue to help flush it out, the sphincter enlarges to between 6 and 10 times the opening to help with the expunging of the foreign substance, and the upper and lower abdominal muscles contract gently at first to help push out the substances in the stomach that contain the Phenophaline.
After that it becomes explosive and grossly uncontrollable.
It can cause severe dehydration that in itself can cause severe problems to the one inflicted.
Not to mention cranial injury. We gave this to a real jerk in Uni, who after having to sit on the toilet for 5 hours, had his legs fall asleep. When he got up to leave several hours later, his legs gave out and he hit his head on the toilet and needed some minor medical care.
Apparently he shit himself in the Doctor’s office while getting a few stitches.
Alli is a horrible product. I only lost a small amount of weight, and even then, the stomach discomfort was not even close to worth it. There are much better alternatives out there. I switched over to the Lady Soma Detox and started dropping weight like crazy..and my stomach feels much better. Alli is a joke.
Oh my god all I could do is laugh so hard I cried…thank you for a good laugh
Oh please. Eating a healthy diet is not always enough especially people with hypothyroidism or that are taking certain meds. If you can’t have some control over your diet don’t take it. They’re giving you a choice not making it mandatory. Oh and I took alli and doubled the dose to replicate Xenical and I found that if I went to the bathroom when I felt the urge than I was fine. Of course I’m sure that it is not like that for everyone but neither is uncontrollablessed s#*ting. Everything takes sacrifices, either don’t take it or stop whining.
Bull fucking shit. You couldn’t make it more obvious you’re a shill for the company if you tried. Nobody’s swallowing your shit and nobody should swallow these shitty fucking pills.
I live in the UK and have been prescribed these tablets as my body doesn’t work the same way as others and simply can’t shed weight with the normal way of dieting and although yes they do make you go to the toilet alot and make your shit looser and you definitely poo oil it only happens when you go to the toilet as normal and accidents are alot less likely unless you eat food with a high amount of fat. I do agree that they are usually for lazy people and are simply a way out of hard work but you also hardly loose any weight without plenty of excersing. The points you made are brilliant and do take away all the bullshit talk that websites tell you but for anybody else who happens to be perscribed these tablets please don’t worry aslong as you are sensible with the amount of fat you eat you definitely won’t be shitting your pants. For anybody who has bought the tablets over the counter stop being lazy and break a sweat.
As you say, by and large, these tablets are not marketed to sensible people.
This is the funniest thung I have read in a while. Lol.
I have never laughed so much in my life. I laughed till i cried.
Why? Because fuck my life, i had an accident thanks to alli and i didnt even know! I didnt feel the oil coming
Out of my behind. Mortifuckinfied. Shitty oil, oily shit..? Their goes my princess title out the window…. Prestige? What fucking prestige, i shit my pants without knowing that i shit my pants.
No more fatty food…. Ever….i am going to indulge in some cardboard.
Oh my gosh yes I laughed uncontrollably too when I read this it’s a good thing I was not taking the pill or I would have definitely crapped I was laughing so hard I laughed even harder when I read your response I’m so glad I read this article I will never ever ever ever take this pill I wear light dress pants a lot hahaha
😂😂😂well I just fucking wet myself laughing ! This is so true , I went on a date and had one before I left .. Omfg I shit my pants and then ran to toilet and oil went on the floor I’m desperately trying to wipe it up but the oil keeps beading o.m.g!!hahhaha !! Not fun never again
Thank you for this information, after I started shitting oil I was not alarmed but when I farted and felt I may have shit my pants well not so much fun and the smell OMG knock you out. They don’t tell you everything you need to know. By the way I know how serious this however I could not stop laughing at how you put it.
I absolutely love your take on this I took these damn pills and everything you said happened to me …. Lmfao I now just eat right and exercise when I want to lose weight 👍
Oh my gosh. I tried Alli along time ago and had to stop because of these “treatment effects “. You are exactly right! My husband and I were just uncontrollably laughing as we read through this page .
No she’s right lol. You will shit your pants if you’re on xenical(120)
It will come out and you can’t stop it.
This litterly made me “LOL” . I’m taking alli now. I only take it once a day and if my stomach is fucked up I will skip a day. So far I have not farted oil, or pooped my pants. But if i took it 3 x a day everyday I would def. Sht my pants.
Oh my gosh I laughed so hard when reading this but I am so glad I did. I wear light-colored khaki pants for work everyday I will never take this pill now
WOW. Thank you!
Have to leave my 2 cents as well, if you don’t mind! Great read and I’m sure that this is the case for many people! Being disabled, it is very hard for me to physically exercise. Do I try? Oh boy! Do I ever! But, sadly, many times I’m told not to (after one of over 20 surgeries), or I just can’t. I have changed my diet, with a dietician and nothing has worked until I added these. I am very lucky because I haven’t had those nasty side effects, which I have had from many other things. But, again, I must be lucky only with these because(lol) they actually help, along with the diet and as much exercise as I’m able. I do agree, these could come across as being an easy fix, or a lazy way out… But, again I agree, they are not.
Just sayin, hope these work for someone else as well without all those nasty side effects!
Xo
I have not laughed this hard in a while. This is hilarious, I was crying. I took this pill when I was younger and yes it is true too. 😅
This review is bloody brilliant 😂😂😂
I found the article very entertaining but as someone who has never actually taken it you are not qualified to have an opinion. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months with Alli and I never had an accident and only one oily toilet incident when I binged on pizza and tacos. When I followed the diet everything was 100% fine. I can even eat 40 to 50 grams of fat in a day instead of the recommended 30 grams and no side effects. Jeeze.
Fuck off you spamming shill
I laughed my ass off many years ago when I first saw this video, but I’m not laughing so hard anymore.
I’ve eaten only 35-50 grams of fat a day since starting alli (up to 60 g/day is supposed to be “safe”), and after three days with some gas but no other treatment effects, I thought I had dodged the bullet. Wrong. 10-50 grams/mls of oil squirted out with very little warning. Luckily oil and water don’t mix, and as poo has a lot of water in it, it was just oil, and the same orangey color as the Deepwater Horizon blowout, but in my shorts. There was another 50-150 grams/mls yet to come to paint the toilet orange, before dropping an otherwise normal deuce.
I’m under doctor’s orders to lose a pound a week, and after losing 15-20 pounds in 15 weeks by cutting calories and soft drinks, I had plateaued at the halfway point, and thought I’d give alli a shot to keep going. I’ve since lost another 1-5 pounds in less than a week, but at the cost of a pair of boxers. If the treatment effects subside in a week as the Weasel Company execs would have me believe, I’ll stay the course, but if it continues, I’ll write it off as $50 down the dunny, plus whatever a few pairs of boxers cost.
LMAO!!! But sadly, right on the money
Hilarious but so true!
Ive pissed my pants laughing!
Omfg..I swear this is the funniest thing ive ever read in my life..it took me half an hour to read because I had to stop with uncontrollable laughing. .I swear I nearly peed myself. .gkad I dont take alli..id have shat myself..lmao
I love this angry guy
Angry Man!
You’d be right on except that some of us get fucking old and then all we can eat in a day is two small apples before we start expanding to approximately the size of the moon, and have to wear toddler pants with elastic waists. Because we are not stupid, we stopped eating high-fat diets and high-calorie diets back in 1983, and yes we exercise daily like good little old ladies, but we would like to fit in our clothes and be able to fucking eat something now and then. So this thing winds up freeing up about another 100 calories or so per day, which is enough for us to get away with eating a fucking sandwich now and then and not go around either fainting with hunger or getting belt extensions for the fanny packs. *You* may think it’s perfectly normal for old ladies to be quite lardy but we don’t necessarily enjoy it ourselves.
It’s essentially an anti-menopause diet pill and something that’ll help you lose weight slightly faster if you’ve got some to lose. You still shouldn’t take it forever, but if you take it sometimes and behave yourself, on average you’ll be a less lardy old lady.
The end.
I’m glad it works for you but that is not how the company markets it and their own material makes it clear you will shit your pants uncontrollably
Yeah, it’s true if you stuff your face with fatty foods and take the pill on top of this, then this will happen. That’s what they’re telling you: don’t be a pig, and we can give you a small assist. If you’re a pig, you’ll shit your pants uncontrollably. Possibly their marketing material should include something that says “if you cannot bear the thought of not stuffing your face like a pig with fatty food, this is not the weight loss aid for you.” Of course, if they did that, probably they’d get death threats for shaming people who eat half a pizza at a time. Actually I would love it if they did this. The bottle ought to come with a label that says YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A DIET, CONTROL YOURSELF. THIS IS HELP, NOT MAGIC. READ A DAMN LABEL.
Oh also come on, when is the last time you saw any kind of drug advertised at menopausal ladies that wasn’t about brittle bones or the possibility of being fuckable again by some old bag of a husband. The pharma industry’s not a bit interested in somewhat less lardy old ladies, they leave that to the GPs, and tell them to just scold us about how we’ll be more prone to all the diseases of overweight if we don’t stick to 1.5 small apples a day and lose that weight. Which sensible GPs don’t find worth the trouble to do.